In the past, mothers always taught their sons to be obedient, well-behaved, and honest. However, now she realizes that a child who is overly honest can lead to unintended consequences.
In the vocabulary of many parents, honesty is a positive word, referring to a well-behaved child with good character and qualities. Yet, if a child is “too honest,” they may become timid, afraid to express themselves or fight for their rights, making them more susceptible to bullying.
Therefore, parents should teach children to be confident, strong, and assertive when necessary, especially in standing up against injustice.
“Look into their eyes and speak up”
Some children, when communicating, never dare to look others in the eye, always avoiding their gaze. This type of personality deeply ingrains three words in the child’s mind: lack of confidence.
When called upon by a teacher to answer a question, they lower their head, unable to look the teacher in the eye. When interacting with classmates, they avoid eye contact. Over time, they gradually receive less attention, actively giving up opportunities to be noticed.
Speaking loudly and maintaining eye contact demonstrates confidence and signals that the child deserves attention. When a child is confident, they can earn the respect of others.
“You can say no to things you don’t want to do”
In life, many children are afraid to refuse because they fear upsetting others. They worry about the other person’s feelings, ultimately putting themselves in a difficult position.
Therefore, parents need to teach children that saying “no” is not impolite but a way to set personal boundaries. If something makes them uncomfortable, they should know how to say “no,” even if it’s to a teacher or close friend.
A gentle but firm refusal does not offend others but lets them know, “I have my own limits.”
“When you feel uncomfortable, you can resist”
When a child feels uncomfortable due to being mocked, belittled, or maliciously judged, do parents choose to say, “Just ignore it, they’re probably jealous of you,” or encourage the child to resist directly?
In reality, “ignoring” is not a sign of generosity, as it makes the child feel more frustrated and encourages the other person’s behavior. Direct resistance is more effective than “silent appeasement.” Therefore, help children understand that being mocked is not their fault.
“If someone wants something from you, boldly ask, ‘What do you offer in return?'”
Many children, overly honest, are too shy to refuse, leading to their favorite items being taken without return or being forced to give them away.
Parents should teach children that if someone wants something from them, it’s not a given and should involve an equal exchange.
For example, if a friend wants their favorite comic book, the child can ask, “Can we swap comics?” If a classmate wants to borrow a pen, the child can say, “I really like this pen and don’t want to give it away. If you have a more interesting pen, we can swap.”
Exchange helps children understand that people interact on an equal basis, and no one should be unconditionally accommodating. This mindset will prevent them from being imposed upon in future personal relationships.
“If treated unfairly, tell your parents”
Many children choose to endure unfair treatment silently. This behavior not only fails to resolve issues but also makes them feel inferior, sensitive, and even lose trust in the world.
As parents, we must tell our children: “Parents are your strongest support. No matter what happens, just tell us, and we’ll face it together and stand by you forever.”
Only then will children have the confidence to confront injustices, willingly share their inner thoughts with parents, feel secure, and bravely step into the world.
“Don’t overly care about others’ opinions, as they cannot define you”
If a child is too concerned about what others think of them, parents should be cautious, as this can make them easily manipulated, hesitant in actions, and emotionally controlled.
Teach children that no one can please everyone, and don’t overly worry about others’ opinions or judgments. Others’ opinions do not define them. Children have strengths but also areas for improvement. These are things they need to discover and cultivate themselves, not based on others’ evaluations.
In today’s rapidly changing world, teaching children to be “obedient and compliant” no longer fits reality. Instead, parents should nurture children to be independent, confident, boundary-setting, tactful, and able to stand up for themselves when needed. By teaching children to protect themselves, respect, and trust in themselves as they grow, they will navigate life more smoothly.
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