Little girl constantly “competes, fights” with her mother, no small matter, what should the mother do?

In Greek mythology, there is a story that the king of Thebes was told in a dream that his son would kill him and marry his mother. So when his wife gave birth to Prince Oedipus, the king ordered his son to be thrown into the forest to avoid the curse. But Oedipus was rescued and taken to another kingdom. Growing up, he learned about the curse and decided to leave to avoid his fate. However, fate cannot be avoided. On his journey, Oedipus killed his father and defeated the Sphinx monster, which led him to become the king of Thebes. After having 4 children, Oedipus discovered the truth and blinded himself, then exiled himself.

From this story, psychology has coined the term Oedipus complex, which refers to a phenomenon where children have a tendency to develop skewed affections within the family. Sons may have a strong desire for their mothers, while daughters may idolize their fathers and feel more distant from their same-gender parent. This complex can manifest in daughters opposing their mothers and sons resisting their fathers. The Oedipus complex was first mentioned by the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud in the early 1910s. Some children with a deep manifestation of this complex may exhibit behaviors such as sons resenting their fathers’ affection towards their mothers and desiring to possess their mothers, while daughters constantly seek a father figure and even compete with their mothers for their fathers’ attention. When a son loves his mother more than his father, or a daughter loves her father more than her mother, it is a normal psychological occurrence. However, if there are excessive manifestations, it can hinder family relationships and possibly lead to psychological disorders. This phenomenon can also occur when a child lives with a close aunt, uncle, or cousin who becomes the substitute for their biological parents.

Therefore, many people share the advice that parents should not be overly intimate with their children of the opposite sex when they reach puberty. While parents and children need to nurture a loving bond, when children develop strong sexual tendencies, appropriate boundaries should be established. For example, sons should not bathe with their mothers as they grow up, and daughters should not bathe with their fathers. It is recommended to have separate sleeping arrangements for children and avoid overly intimate physical contact. Parents should guide their children not to be overly revealing in front of their opposite-gender parents, such as touching private areas, and avoid changing clothes in front of their children in a revealing manner.

With this awareness, many children will naturally adjust their behavior. However, some children may feel guilty for having had thoughts that are inappropriate towards their parents. When parents notice such behaviors, it is advised not to scold or react angrily, but rather offer explanations, guidance, and set boundaries with their children. When a mother sees her daughter “competing” with her, she can have a direct conversation with her daughter and also confide in her spouse to receive support in addressing the concerns with their daughter. This helps the child understand that their father loves them, but the love he has for their mother is different from the love he has for them, and in the future, they will find their own significant other. From a young age, it is important to encourage family affection, but avoid being overly permissive when daughters exhibit possessive behaviors towards their fathers, or avoid encouraging messages such as “Daughters are the past lovers of their fathers”. If you feel that your child is exhibiting behaviors that exceed your understanding, instead of scolding them, seek support from experienced and professional individuals.