Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is a concept that is increasingly emphasized. It is not only the ability to perceive and regulate one’s own emotions, but also to respect and appropriately respond to the emotions of others. This is an important set of skills that can and should be taught from a young age, helping children develop comprehensively step by step.
Unlike IQ, it is emotional intelligence, or EQ, that is the main determinant of success in life. EQ from childhood has a close relationship with the ability to succeed in adulthood. This has been demonstrated by a 19-year study published in the American Journal of Public Health. According to the study, the social and emotional skills that children develop from kindergarten can predict their future success. Specifically, children who have the ability to share, cooperate, and follow instructions from the age of 5 are more likely to graduate from college and have better job opportunities by the age of 25.
The period from ages 3 to 6 is considered a crucial stage in the formation of a child’s personality. This is the time when parents need to focus on observing and supporting their children. If a child shows the following two signs, it may be a warning of low emotional intelligence. Parents need to identify and address them promptly to provide the best support for their child’s development.
Trying to find excuses for their actions
A family member shared about the academic journey of their niece: “My niece, currently an 8th grade student, always stands out with excellent academic achievements and is loved by teachers. However, one notable thing is that even though she completes homework assignments well, her test scores are often not high.”
My niece often expresses worries about exams and blames the teacher for asking wrong questions. My mother also often helps her find reasons to blame. However, in a video conversation with my mother, I discovered that my niece is not concerned about the outcome after completing homework, even going to sleep while my mother is checking and correcting errors. Eventually, I realized that the problem was not the teacher asking wrong questions, but rather my niece being too careless. After that, she was required to self-check her homework before the adult’s final check and explain any misunderstandings. Since then, she has always received a scholarship every semester.
In fact, a common trend that we see in many parents is that they often seek reasons to explain their children’s behavior. This often happens right from when children start learning to walk. If a child falls, the cause is often attributed to objects around them, such as a table or chair.
When children grow up, if they still prefer to find excuses for their mistakes, parents should not consider this behavior as cute. Instead, it is actually an expression of avoiding responsibility, not daring to face their own mistakes and behavior.
When your children exhibit behaviors of avoiding responsibility, the task of parents is to guide and help them correct their mistakes. Parents need to convey to their children that in order to achieve goals, they need to make efforts, invest time and energy. Success is not the result of chance. When they do not perform well in a task, instead of looking for excuses, they need to analyze and understand what happened.
This process requires patience and considerable effort from both parents and children. It not only helps children reevaluate the problem but also challenges their parents’ patience. Although there may be initial difficulties, once good habits are formed, they will bring benefits to your child’s life.
Selfishness and not knowing how to share
In reality, we see that most children have a tendency to be “selfish” and prefer to play alone rather than share toys with friends. Some people believe that forcing children to share can be harmful, making them feel disadvantaged. This is not entirely wrong. However, if parents focus only on protecting their children’s rights without educating them about the spirit of sharing, they may unfortunately create selfishness in their children.
In the current labor market, there is a noteworthy story about a young man. After graduating, he started a job with a salary just enough to cover his daily expenses. When it came time to get married, he urged his mother to buy a house, and then demanded to buy a car. This action depleted his mother’s savings.
In a heartbreaking incident, a mother committed suicide after being forced by her son to meet the high dowry demands from the bride’s family. Before making the decision, the mother had nowhere else to borrow money and confessed to her son, “I really have no money, if you force me again, I have no choice but to jump off this building!” Instead of understanding and sympathizing with his mother’s difficult situation, the selfish child responded cruelly, “Then jump!” Heartbroken by her son’s heartlessness, the mother decided to end her life bitterly.
According to a new study, excessive indulgence and sacrifice by parents for their children can result in unintended consequences. In particular, this can develop selfishness in children’s psychology. Children in such families often tend to see themselves as the center of their own world, while parents are just supporting characters orbiting their lives. This is a concerning issue and needs to be approached with caution.
When parents satisfy all their children’s needs when they are young, it can create problems as they grow up. As the desires of children grow, parents may not be able to meet all their needs. This is a concerning issue and needs to be approached with caution.
Parents should not only force children to share toys but also guide them on how to share properly. This is a concerning issue and needs to be approached with caution.
Parents can educate children about the importance of sharing through two main methods:
Firstly, lead by example. When parents demonstrate a spirit of sharing and serve as role models for their children, they will naturally learn and follow suit.
Secondly, educate children about the benefits of sharing. This can be done by showing children that sharing not only helps them receive gratitude and reciprocation from others, but also allows them to receive the good things that others share. When children realize that sharing does not make them lose but, on the contrary, enables them to gain more, they will naturally be willing to share.
Children who are praised for even the smallest acts of sharing are more likely to develop positively in the future. The praise from parents, even for a small act such as thinking of others, giving candies to parents, or sharing a beloved toy with a younger sibling, can have a positive impact on their children’s life skills development. Instead of criticizing when children cannot share, these simple praises have proven their effectiveness in encouraging children to share more.
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