Parents telling stories of their sacrifices to their children
People say parents’ sacrifices are as big as the sky, as vast as the earth, as deep as the sea. But parents who constantly tell their children about their sacrifices can put pressure on them.
Many people often say to their children things like “Your parents sacrifice a lot for you”, “Your parents do this only for you, otherwise…”, “When you grow up and work, remember to give money to your mom”, “You have to remember that without your parents…”, “Your parents work hard for you”… The stories that parents tell, sometimes because they think it will make their children appreciate them more. But in reality, it puts pressure on the children, making them feel responsible for the parents’ hardships.
The pressure from parents’ stories will gradually overshadow the children’s psychology, making them feel indebted and obligated to repay their parents. Sometimes, life becomes less enjoyable because of this, and children no longer feel a happy family atmosphere. They only feel the pressure of having to repay their parents.
Whether a child is filial or not is not determined by you telling stories of your sacrifices. A child’s sense of gratitude comes from the way you live with your loved ones, the way you teach them to be happy and grateful for what they receive in life. You should not hide from your child the hardships you face, but there is no need to tell stories that your child will gradually understand and appreciate through your optimism, love, and trust.
Parents always saying “When you grow up, you will understand”
When a young child has a question and comes to ask their parents, it means they really want an answer. Children at the age of exploring the world have more questions. Many parents think that questions about homework are important, while other questions are trivial or that children won’t understand, so they respond with “When you grow up, you will understand”. Why does the child ask? What does the child know?
It is precisely those words from parents that make the child unsatisfied and eager to grow up to understand everything. Parents should find a way to answer their children appropriately according to their age, so that they can understand what they are curious about. The response “When you grow up, you will understand” is an irresponsible answer from parents, and it shows that parents are not the most trusted and sought-after people when needed. If you can’t answer right away because you don’t know how to answer, then make an appointment with your child at a later time and seek advice to come up with an appropriate answer, regardless of whether the issue is big or small. At that time, your child will always trust you and come to you, and you don’t need to control your child, as they will share their problems with you by themselves.
Parents not respecting their children’s privacy
Many parents still follow old customs, intruding into their child’s room or rummaging through their drawers. Children nowadays are different from those in the past, and moreover, we need to teach children to respect others and respect their privacy, so parents cannot act on behalf of loved ones and intrude into their children’s personal space.
There are things about the child that require the child’s opinion, and they should be allowed to use or decide. Parents making decisions for their children or invading their personal space will make the child feel uncomfortable and controlled, lacking respect. Furthermore, the child will try to create even more private space to avoid parents.
Therefore, parents should see their children as independent individuals whom they cannot control as if they were parents who can do anything to their children. In this way, as children grow up, they will distance themselves from their parents to preserve themselves, and the family will no longer be their safest place.