If you often say the following sentences to your child, you should stop right away because they will cause harm to your child and affect their future. These phrases make children become insecure.
If you don’t listen, bad people will come and take you away.
Many parents “threaten” their children to get them to listen. Phrases like “bad people will come and take you away” or something similar make children feel scared and more timid. This can make children live in anxiety. Young children can imagine many things. Over time, these threats can make children feel fearful, afraid to be alone in a room, afraid of the dark… When exposed to new things or learning new skills, children may hesitate to try because of fear. These words can even haunt children.
This is so easy, why can’t you do it?
Something that parents consider simple and easy can still make children struggle for hours. Then, many people often say, “It’s so simple, you can do it.” Many parents use this method to encourage their children, but sometimes sensitive children will feel insecure and discouraged, and gradually lose their motivation. Many children who hear their parents say this will get bored and give up.
Instead, tell your child, “This is quite challenging.” And when the child completes the task, encourage them by saying, “You have worked very hard and made a great effort.” Although they may not fully understand the problem, at least the child knows that they have done something quite difficult. This approach will help encourage and make the child more confident.
You made a mistake again.
Every parent wants their child to be talented, but no one is without mistakes. When the child hasn’t fixed the mistake yet, parents often say, “You made a mistake again,” which is a familiar and harsh phrase from parents, but it has a negative impact on the child.
When children hear this, they will feel that making mistakes is something shameful and worthy of being hated. From there, they will be reluctant to express their opinions or actions for fear of making mistakes and being punished, while in fact, mistakes are a way for children to learn and succeed.
When the child makes a mistake, parents should point out the mistake, encourage the child to try again, or discuss solutions with them. If the child repeats the mistake, you can apply strict discipline measures.
Why did you mess it up again? Let me do it and see.
This way of speaking eliminates the child’s effort. Taking over the child’s actions instead of letting them do it themselves will make the child no longer want to make an effort and even lose the opportunity to try, resulting in declining abilities. This makes the child believe that they are useless.
Why don’t you learn from others’ kids?
Comparison is a way to cause great harm to children. Instead of that, you should help your child understand that each person has their own strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes, to encourage children to change their weaknesses and become better, parents unconsciously compare their child with “other people’s children”. This comparison makes children feel that their parents do not love them, and they will feel insecure, inferior, and become introverted. It is best for parents to limit comparing their child with others.
You don’t do anything.
Denying a child’s abilities is equivalent to encouraging the child to give up before even starting. Children who are told this often think that “there’s no need to make an effort because even if they try, they won’t achieve anything”. This way of thinking erodes the child’s self-confidence and turns them into lazy and timid individuals.
Therefore, parents need to encourage their child to continue rather than making them feel a failure and then giving up. If the child is under too much pressure to achieve success, do not force them to continue. Instead, distract their attention to other activities to help them relax. Finally, always remind the child that they have unlimited potential to overcome difficulties, they just need to believe in themselves.
You keep talking but never learn anything? Do you know how to think?
Yes, your child knows that you have to remind them many times and repeat things that they haven’t changed. But they think that forming a habit requires more than just harsh words or criticism. It is not as simple as being “clever” or “thinking”.
As the child grows older, they become more sensitive to these statements from their parents. When their parents say this, it doesn’t help them improve, but rather makes them feel frustrated and not respected. The child has grown up and has their own thoughts and emotions. When they feel dissatisfied with something, parents should call them out, talk to them, explain things to them, and find solutions together. These “rewardless punishment” words are no different from invisible “slaps”, they hurt the child a lot.
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