The psychology of many parents is to aspire to be good parents, perfect parents. But what makes a good parent? What makes a perfect parent? TS. Stosny, from the University of Maryland (USA), once shared that when children make mistakes, big or small, parents often feel that we are not good enough as mothers. And this feeling will be a double-edged sword, one edge is a motivation to target ourselves to train better, to find and learn more parenting methods, and the other edge is to make us believe that we fail to be perfect, so we turn to our children and sometimes turn them into a place to vent our anger, it could be scolding them, blaming them, or it could be putting more pressure on them, or sometimes it is releasing a very negative energy onto the family.
Therefore, to be the best parents for their children, parents should remember the following 4 things:
Be a good parent, not a perfect parent
A good parent is one who accepts mistakes to do better and reduces similar mistakes. Parents will also understand that children make mistakes and need to be tolerant and educated. But if you want to be a perfect parent, forcing yourself not to make mistakes will also put pressure on the child to demand perfection. This can be scary sometimes, causing the child to suffocate in the family. When there are mistakes, you feel that you cannot accept them, so there will be very negative behaviors. Therefore, always try to be a good parent to your child, if you see a mistake, learn and correct it, but don’t constantly blame yourself for not being perfect, and don’t try to hide all the flaws so that in the eyes of others, we become perfect people. Have the courage to recognize what has not been done and forgive yourself by comfortably finding better methods. Similarly, treat your child, don’t demand perfection from them and don’t try to be perfect in their eyes, let them understand that parents can also make mistakes and most importantly, if you make a mistake, you must correct it to avoid making that mistake again. Those who pursue perfectionism often fear when mistakes occur, and often try to cover up or blame the mistakes on the child.
Never make decisions when you’re angry
It is rare to raise a child without ever being angry. Most parents have moments of anger and frustration with their children. But don’t make any decisions in that state. hasty decisions are all unintelligent. Stop and think for a few seconds to control your anger. When angry, the IQ of the brain is only 30% compared to normal. At that time, the brain only functions at a minimum level, so don’t make any decisions then. Wrong decisions can be corrected, but there may never be a chance to correct them again. Moreover, even if you have a chance to correct them, it also creates a bad precedent in raising the child. So when you are angry, develop the habit of stopping and you can count 1,2,3, 4,5… to calm down before speaking further.
Avoid scolding and making decisions with your child at that time. Give it a moment of silence to be able to see the big picture and make a decision.
Learn to apologize to your child when you’re angry with them
Don’t think that as an adult, you don’t want to admit your mistakes in front of your child. If you make a mistake, dare to apologize to your child, it will give them a good lesson.
Moreover, after scolding your child for their mistakes, you should also apologize, for the child to realize that when they make a mistake, the parents’ way of teaching them is correct, but scolding is not. Apologizing for your scolding independently from your child’s wrong behavior. Don’t think that if the child is wrong, you have the right to scold them. Those are two different things. The child is wrong, the child must take responsibility for their mistakes. The act of scolding by parents is an improper behavior, parents need to take responsibility. When you apologize to your child, they will recognize that the child must take responsibility and know how to apologize, know how to correct mistakes.
Be courageous enough to acknowledge every time you show lack of self-control
When you lack self-control with your child, acknowledge your mistake to your child. After each time you scold your child, lose your temper, you should record that situation:
– What will my child be like if I don’t scold them?
– What will the situation be like if I am calmer?
– What will I do if it happens next time?
Write your answers to these 3 questions on a piece of paper or think silently in your head after each time you lose control with your child, and you will see the change in yourself in the following times.
If parents can do these things, their children will develop much better. In this life, there is nothing perfect, both you and your child are the same. So try to improve yourself every day, which is more important than trying to make yourself perfect. The pressure of perfection inadvertently makes both you and your child unhappy.
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