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The Magic of the Crab Law: A Vietnamese Mother’s Guide to Raising Smart, Obedient Children

Do you know about the "Crab Theory" and how it can help your child achieve their full potential? Uncover the secrets behind this fascinating theory and learn practical parenting methods to raise a confident, happy, and successful child.

Administrator

7 August, 2024

It is common for parents to react angrily and shout when their children do not meet their expectations. However, from the perspective of experts, there is more to a child’s understanding and performance than just being shouted at.

Initially, children may obey, but as the scolding becomes heavier, they will develop a psychology of resistance, indifference, or even rebellion.

Experts believe that this issue relates to a special psychological phenomenon known as “Crab Mentality” or “Crab Theory”

Once upon a time, a man caught many crabs and did not cover the basket. A friend passing by asked, “If you don’t cover it, won’t the crabs climb out and escape?”

The man calmly replied, “If there is only one crab, then I need to cover it. But with many crabs, I don’t need to, because when one tries to climb out, the others will pull it down. No matter how hard they try, they won’t escape.”

The friend looked more closely and noticed that none of the crabs actually climbed out. Some were pulled back by the others before they could even reach the rim of the basket.

Crabs in a basket — The crabs in the basket resemble the parent-child relationship

What is the principle behind this?

In reality, when there are too many crabs in the basket, chaos ensues. The crabs cannot cooperate to overcome their shared difficulty. Instead of recognizing and utilizing each other’s strengths, they hinder one another, leading to internal conflict, and none of them escape the basket.

Upon reflection, one can see how the crabs in the basket resemble the parent-child relationship.

In this dynamic, the children are like the small crabs, and the parents are the larger ones. Neither can see the other’s strengths, only their weaknesses, and they try to fix each other’s flaws instead of working together.

As a result, without unity, confidence breaks down, leading to a loss of enthusiasm and motivation. There may even be harsh arguments or conflicts.

Thus, raising children is similar to the Crab Theory in psychology. To educate children effectively, unity and a positive environment are crucial. So, how can parents create harmony with their children? Here are some tips from psychological experts.

Positive Attitude and Polite Speech When Talking to Children

The quality of a relationship often starts with verbal communication. The way parents speak to their children greatly impacts how the children respond.

Therefore, the first skill parents need to cultivate to create harmony is to let children express themselves.

Listening patiently and responding to children’s desires with affection will build trust and strengthen the bond. Children will feel respected and safe when sharing their thoughts and feelings.

If parents are unsure how to do this effectively, they can start by simply being polite. Avoid shouting or scolding; instead, offer words of encouragement. Use body language, such as nodding and smiling, to show that you are listening and care about what they have to say.

Additionally, it is important for parents to apologize to their children if they have misunderstood them or made a mistake. This simple act helps children feel respected. Positive communication and trust-building are key to a harmonious and healthy relationship between parents and children.

Parent and child holding hands — Parents should apologize to their children when they make a mistake or misunderstand them.

Listen Attentively to What Your Child Has to Say

To gauge a child’s happiness and inner strength, observe how they conclude a conversation with their parents.

This is why it is crucial for parents to listen attentively and fully to their children. When children are listened to without interruption, they feel respected and valued. This builds trust and strengthens the bond between parent and child.

Patiently waiting for a child to finish their thought is a basic form of communication that helps children develop their inner strength. When children are listened to, they feel trusted and safe to express their thoughts and emotions freely.

Active and patient listening from parents will encourage children to develop their communication skills and confidently express their opinions. This is essential for children to build self-mastery and inner strength, setting them up to become independent adults in the future.

Parent and child having a conversation — Active and patient listening encourages children to develop communication skills.

Give Your Children Trust and Support

Children who respect their parents will grow up with a sense of trust. This trust is built not only through words but also through the parents’ sincere and fair actions and attitudes. When children feel trusted and respected, they develop self-confidence and a sense of security and peace.

Words of encouragement and trust from parents become a source of inner strength and a solid motivation for children. These positive words have a profound impact on children’s psychology and belief in themselves, becoming an inner voice that helps them overcome challenges.

In fact, trust is the simplest investment parents can make in their children. More than anything else, trusting your children is key to building their character and inner strength.

The greatest pain for a child, beyond physical pain, is the lack of trust from their parents. When children feel this lack of trust, they become vulnerable, lose faith in themselves, and feel uncertain about their future. Therefore, offering trust and autonomy is the best way to foster family unity.

Frequently asked questions

The ‘Crab Law’ is a Vietnamese proverb that highlights the importance of discipline and order. It suggests that if one crab tries to climb out of a bucket, the others will pull it back down. In the context of parenting, it serves as a guide for raising smart and obedient children. The ‘Crab Law’ encourages parents to teach their children discipline, respect, and the value of hard work from a young age.

Parents can incorporate the ‘Crab Law’ into their parenting style by establishing clear rules and expectations for their children. This includes setting reasonable boundaries, enforcing consistent discipline, and promoting a culture of respect and hard work within the family. It also involves teaching children to be mindful of their actions and how they affect those around them.

By following the principles of the ‘Crab Law’, parents can instill a sense of discipline, responsibility, and respect in their children. This approach can help children develop good habits, a strong work ethic, and a sense of empathy for others. It encourages children to strive for success while also being mindful of the impact of their actions on their peers and community.

Parents can explain the ‘Crab Law’ to their children in a way that is age-appropriate and easy to understand. They can use real-life examples and stories to illustrate the importance of discipline, respect, and hard work. Involving children in household chores and assigning age-appropriate responsibilities can also help them understand the concept of contributing to the family and pulling their weight.

While the ‘Crab Law’ promotes discipline and respect, it’s important for parents to strike a balance and avoid being overly strict or authoritarian. Parents should ensure that their children feel loved, supported, and encouraged to express their emotions healthily. Open communication, empathy, and a focus on positive reinforcement can help mitigate potential negative effects while still instilling the values of the ‘Crab Law’.