In reality, children value their parents’ words above anything else and often use them to shape their perception of themselves and the world around them. Psychologist Susan Forward emphasizes that “children cannot distinguish between truth and jokes. They absolutely believe what their parents say about them and gradually make it a part of their personal perception.”
Positive encouragement can lay the foundation for a child’s self-confidence and also stimulate their potential and motivation. On the other hand, negative words can make children feel frustrated, lose faith in themselves, and even fall into a state of disappointment and doubt about their self-worth.
According to experts, in 99% of cases, parents inadvertently blurt out the following five statements when they are angry, and these words will inevitably have some impact on the child’s psychology.
“Stop crying! There’s no reason for you to cry.”
According to psychologist Deborah McNamara, when children cry, it is important to let them express their emotions instead of forcing them to stop. “Crying is not harmful, but making a child stop crying is,” she emphasizes. Crying is a natural way for children to release pressure and negative emotions. If suppressed, children may become timid and lacking in self-confidence, and they may even face the risk of depression.
From a psychological point of view, a child’s emotions do not distinguish between right and wrong but only reflect their inner world. Allowing children to cry helps them balance their emotions, thereby promoting their physical and mental development. Instead of scolding or telling them to stop crying, parents should calmly wait, and then comfort and guide their children in a positive manner. When children’s emotions are respected, they feel safer and gradually understand their parents’ love and efforts.
Psychologically, a child’s emotions reflect their inner world without judging right or wrong.
“Look at how well your friend A is doing…”
A survey by China News Network asked, “Which of these common phrases do you dislike the most?” The result was surprising: nearly half of the participants (out of 128,000) chose the phrase “Look at your friend…” This shows that parents constantly comparing their children to others can deeply hurt them.
Initially, parents may just want to encourage their child to improve, but the comparison inadvertently negates all the child’s efforts. As a result, the child’s self-confidence decreases, and they may develop a rebellious or resigned attitude. Writer Zhang Jiawei once emphasized, “The worst education is not raising a child in poverty but constantly comparing strengths and weaknesses to remind them that ‘you are inferior to others.'”
Instead of comparing, parents should encourage their children with positive words. Praise their strengths and acknowledge their efforts. For areas that need improvement, use phrases like “I believe you can…” or “I hope you will try…” to encourage and support them. When children feel recognized and supported by their parents, they will be more confident and willing to push themselves.
“You’re useless; you can’t do anything right.”
In daily life, many parents inadvertently utter complaints such as:
“I’ve told you so many times, and you still don’t remember!”
“Why are you so stupid? You can’t even do this small thing.”
“If you can’t do this, you’re really useless.”
Even if these are just temporary emotional outbursts, such words completely negate the child’s abilities. This makes them feel unloved by their parents and gradually lose faith in themselves. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, everyone has a “need for respect” and a “desire for self-actualization.” When labeled as “useless” or “good for nothing,” a child’s self-worth is severely damaged. Over time, they may confine themselves to negative thoughts and set limits on what they believe they can achieve.
Instead of complaining, parents should use positive language to encourage their children. For example:
“It’s okay; just be more careful next time.”
“You did a great job, and I believe you will continue to improve.”
“You’re much better at this than I was at your age.”
Sincere encouragement will help build a child’s self-confidence and motivate them to try harder.
Sincere encouragement helps build a child’s self-confidence and motivates them to try harder.
“Because I said so.”
When children express their desires, many parents make decisions in an authoritarian manner without discussing or listening to their children’s opinions. Children have no choice but to obey unconditionally, but this obedience does not mean they truly trust and accept their parents’ decisions.
Even if they dare not openly rebel, children may still harbor negative emotions such as resentment and dissatisfaction. If this situation persists, two extremes may form: one is that the child becomes dependent, loses their ability to be self-reliant, and suppresses their personal needs. The other is that the child reacts with opposition, leading to direct conflict with their parents.
Even if it comes from good intentions, a rigid refusal like “Because I said so” can damage the relationship between parents and children. Instead of imposing their will, parents should listen to their children’s thoughts, gently explain the reasons for refusal, and respect their opinions. For example, instead of saying “you’re not allowed,” say, “This is not appropriate because… I believe you will understand.” Respect and open communication will help children feel heard and valued.
“I’m doing this for your own good.”
A common mistake many parents make is deeply intervening in their children’s lives with the excuse of “it’s for your own good.” However, what parents think is good for their children can sometimes become control, making children feel suffocated and stressed.
In reality, what is best for children is not for parents to arrange everything according to their wishes or push them to develop according to expectations. Instead, let children be free to be themselves in a supportive and safe environment. Parents should learn to let go of unnecessary pressures and create a space for their children to explore and grow.
When faced with decisions, instead of imposing their opinions or deciding for their children, parents should only advise and guide them. Allowing children to make their own choices helps build their self-confidence, sense of responsibility, and ability to face challenges. True love is not about control but about respect and companionship on the journey of growth.
Words of Love: The Key to Raising Children the Right Way
Educator Herbert Spencer once said, “When children grow up in a family environment of understanding, respect, and encouragement, their trust in their parents increases exponentially, which motivates them to develop comprehensively.” This affirms that nurturing a child’s spirit is far more important than merely meeting their material needs.
A parent’s words can be a source of great encouragement for a child, but they can also leave deep wounds. Therefore, it is essential to be mindful of the choice of words. Avoid harsh and hurtful language and opt for gentleness, encouragement, and empathy instead.
When children feel their parents’ sincere love and tolerance, positive changes will gradually occur. These changes may be quiet, but they have immense power, helping children become more confident, mature, and ready to face challenges. Remember, loving correctly starts with choosing the right words because each one can penetrate a child’s soul and shape their future.
“Raising a Daughter? Make Sure to Tell Her These 4 Things for a Lifetime of Comfort and Happiness.”
Self-awareness empowers young girls to recognize their self-worth, passions, and dreams.
3 Parenting Styles That Foster Children’s Success and a Bright Future
There are three types of parents who excel at creating a positive and loving family atmosphere for their children.
The Secret to Your Child’s Independence: Unraveling the Complex Web of Psychology and Brain Development
The experts explain why children tend to “cling to their mothers” even when scolded.
The Perils of Puberty: Two Telltale Signs Your Daughter May Be Prone to Early Sexual Activity.
Puberty is an incredibly turbulent time for young people, with an array of psychological and physical changes occurring. Alongside the obvious physical transformations, young girls also experience their first stirrings of romantic attraction. However, acting on these feelings too soon can have unintended and undesirable consequences.
The Parenting Expert: When Kids Act Out, Try the ‘Crow’s Law’ Method
By harnessing the power of the “Crow Law,” parents can unlock a more tailored approach to raising their children. This ancient wisdom offers a unique perspective on child-rearing, empowering parents to foster their offspring’s growth and development in a way that resonates with their individual needs and strengths. It is a tool that, when utilized effectively, can help parents create a nurturing environment that supports their children’s journey towards reaching their full potential.
