American-German psychologist Erik Erikson believed that a child’s early experiences will influence up to 80% of their future. In particular, the first three years of a child’s life are referred to as the “golden three years,” which is the most crucial period in the formation of a child’s personality and character.
The psychologist states that a child has “golden three years” in their life. Which three years are they?
1. Nurturing a child’s trust at the age of one
A one-year-old baby may not have IQ or capabilities, but they are not clueless.
When Professor Li Meijin talks about raising children from 0-3 years old, she says, “The first year of giving birth, no matter how difficult and tiring it is, the mother must bear it herself.”
Why? Professor Li Meijin explains: “Not long after giving birth, the mother wants to ‘dump’ the child to grandma because she is busy with work. Therefore, in the future, whenever the child feels sad, the first person they want to meet will be grandma.”
American-German psychologist Erik Erikson called 0-1.5 years old the first stage of life. In this stage, the most important task for the child is to develop a sense of trust.
At the beginning of life, the child will develop a deep bond with this ‘person’ and build a sense of trust. The child’s trust in the world, as well as their self-confidence, all come from this primary nurturing figure.
Therefore, in the first year of the child’s life, even though they cannot speak, walk, or do anything, their personality has started to form. If a mother wants her child to be obedient and close to her in the future, she should at least nurture the child until the age of one.
2. Nurturing a child’s autonomy at the age of two
By the age of two, the child can speak, walk, and do things. 1.5-3 years old is the second stage in the “eight stages of life”.
In this stage, the main task of development is to achieve a sense of autonomy.
If you have a small child of about two years old, keeping the house clean and tidy can be really difficult! You sweep the front, and the baby messes it up from behind. You fold clothes, and the baby immediately ‘helps’ you by throwing them on the floor one by one.
What is the baby doing? In fact, the ‘little one’ just wants to achieve a sense of autonomy by controlling their own body.
This is the joy of young children aged 1-3. They derive a sense of autonomy by being able to control their movements freely.
If, during this stage, parents are more tolerant and patient, allowing the child to explore more, the child will have a greater sense of autonomy.
But if, during this stage, parents do not allow the child to do this and even ‘hit’ their hands, the child will have an “embarrassed” and insecure feeling about themselves. As they grow up, they will be less resilient in the face of difficulties and are more likely to give up halfway.
3. Nurturing a child’s initiative at the age of three
The psychologist believes that three years old is a turning point in a child’s life.
Before the age of three, a child’s life is often controlled by their parents, but after three years old, the child hopes to take the initiative to do everything as they wish.
According to Erik Erikson, the third stage in life is the development of a sense of initiative.
In this stage, the child has their own ideas and does not want to be “commanded” all the time.
I saw a baby online who wanted to put her lunchbox in her bag, but she accidentally dropped the lunchbox. When her mother passed by and saw the food scattered on the ground, she did not lose her temper or scold her. Instead, she hugged her daughter and gently asked, “Did you accidentally drop it, my dear? Be more careful next time!” Then her mother told her not to wander around on her own, so she went to look for cleaning tools.
This mother’s way of dealing with the situation is amazing! When a child is 3 years old, what they like to do the most is to help, even though they are still “inexperienced” and often “unable to help.”
If parents handle it like the mother in the story, the child will not feel “guilty”. On the contrary, the child will have a “sense of initiative” in continuous exploration.
A child with a proactive mindset will have goals and plans to fulfill in their future life. Moreover, the child will be very confident, and when faced with difficulties, they will feel capable of finding solutions.
Erikson identifies the “golden three years” as the period from birth to age three. This timeframe is divided into two stages: the first stage lasting from birth to 1.5 years, and the second stage encompassing the age range of 1.5 to 3 years.
During the initial stage, the primary task for the child is to develop a sense of trust. This involves forming a deep bond with a primary caregiver, which could be a parent or another consistent figure. The child’s trust in the world and their self-confidence stem from this nurturing relationship.
In the second stage, the child begins to assert their autonomy and independence. They explore their surroundings, test boundaries, and seek to control their bodies and actions. This stage is crucial for developing a sense of self-efficacy and resilience. Parents who encourage exploration and provide a supportive environment foster a stronger sense of autonomy in their children.
The psychologist regards the third year as a turning point in a child’s life. Before this age, parents largely control their child’s life, but after turning three, children exhibit a strong desire to take the initiative and do things independently. This marks the beginning of the third stage of life, where the development of a sense of initiative becomes crucial.
Parents can foster a sense of initiative by allowing their children to explore and take on tasks independently, even if they may need assistance. For example, a parent can encourage their child to pack their lunchbox and handle it with care, rather than doing it for them. This approach helps children develop a sense of responsibility and initiative, even if they make mistakes along the way.
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