Being a parent is not an easy task. In day-to-day communication, many issues often arise between parents and children.
So, how should parents manage their emotions to communicate effectively with their children and improve their family’s educational capacity? How can we help children learn to manage and express their inner emotions reasonably?
It’s not hard to notice that communication, as seen through the eyes of children, differs from what parents might think. Communication is not about one-sided persuasion, proof, or criticism, but rather a two-way exchange based on equality and respect. To facilitate open, respectful, and close communication between parents and children, experts suggest the following three approaches.
Avoid shouting, hitting, or scolding; educate children gently but firmly
In the process of raising children, many parents will “teach” their children by shouting, hitting, or scolding when they make mistakes. They believe that this can establish authority and control, compensating for the disappointment the child has caused. However, in reality, this educational method is not truly effective.
When a child enters middle school, shouting, hitting, or scolding will become even less effective. For example, take the case of Xiao Li, an eighth-grade student whose father has a hot-tempered personality. Whenever Xiao Li makes a mistake or gets a less-than-satisfactory grade, his father will scold him. As a result, Xiao Li either talks back or says nothing at all, retreating to his room and locking himself in. In the long run, the worse the parents’ temper, the less effective their educational methods become.
Why do parent-child relationships often get “hurt” when there is anger? In reality, there are many complex emotions behind this. When parents face their child’s issues, underneath the anger is usually anxiety and a sense of powerlessness.
These emotions are related to expectations for the child’s development and the difficulty of being open, as in typical interpersonal relationships. Moreover, this type of emotional reaction is also influenced by instinct (controlling bodily functions to cope with an “enemy” when angry) and intergenerational transmission (the unconscious passing down of emotional patterns from the original family).
Love should not be expressed through violence. Parents should strive to stop shouting and help children improve their behavior in a gentle but firm manner. In communication between parents and children, there are some important rules to keep in mind.
The Law of the South Wind
Educating children requires a methodical and careful approach. There is a story about a bet between the south wind and the north wind to see who could make a traveler remove their coat. When the north wind blew fiercely, the traveler wrapped themselves more tightly, but when the gentle south wind blew, bringing warm weather, the traveler naturally took off their coat.
This is the “south wind effect.” For example, if a child doesn’t perform well on an exam, a parent might get angry and blame the child for not studying hard enough. But doing this repeatedly will only make the child more anxious and resistant.
On the other hand, if parents remain calm and analyze the exam with their child, finding the issues and helping them create a study plan, the child is more likely to accept this approach and be motivated to improve.
The Law of Dreams
A child’s development cannot be separated from dreams and creative thinking. A survey on the topic, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” showed that 92.7% of students hoped to get into a good university and find a good job, while only 7.3% of students had imaginative answers like traveling around the world or working on other planets.
In daily life, when assigning tasks to children, simply tell them the goal and safety precautions, and let them figure out the method. Encourage and maximize their imagination instead of directly providing the “standard answer.”
Educating children demands a careful and methodical approach.
The Rosenthal Effect
Well-behaved children will receive praise. Two groups of students were randomly combined and given positive and negative evaluations, respectively, and consistent results were obtained with these evaluations.
Positive expectations are like strong support from the outside world. With the expectations and support of family and friends, children are more robust when facing failure. Conversely, without these expectations and support, children may become negative or even unable to recover.
Protect your child’s self-esteem and refrain from verbal abuse
Everyone has self-esteem, especially middle school students, whose self-esteem can be even higher than that of adults. In the process of education, parents should be careful with their words and avoid saying anything that might hurt their child’s self-esteem.
When such words are uttered, they can leave a deep impression on the child, hindering them from receiving the proper care and guidance from their parents. Instead, the child may only remember these sad words, even planting the seeds of “hatred.”
Imagine a parent constantly complaining about their child’s shortcomings in front of relatives and friends, such as, “My child is lazy and always procrastinates on their homework,” or “My child’s academic achievements are poor, and they will not achieve much in the future.” How would a child react if they heard these words repeatedly over a long period? They would likely feel very uncomfortable and gradually become insecure, closed off, and reluctant to communicate with others.
In life, it’s not hard to see that some violent words, whether unintentional or intentional, can make people indifferent, distant, and even hostile to each other.
Encourage your children instead of constantly complaining.
Don’t blame or complain; accompany your child as they grow
In elementary and middle school, especially high school, children face immense academic pressure and often stay up late to study. What they need is not constant lecturing, criticism, and complaining, but rather understanding and companionship from their parents.
Parenting is a long and challenging journey. This has nothing to do with a parent’s social status, income, or education level but is closely related to their capacity for love. In this relationship, parents reveal their true selves, and their daily behavior subtly influences their children.
Parents should trust, respect, and give their children the space to develop freely.
From this perspective, education is not just a two-way journey between teacher and student but also a process of mutual development and self-improvement for both parents and children.
Parents should trust, respect, and provide their children with the freedom to develop, guiding them positively and criticizing them less, while also helping them develop good habits. In this process, we will encounter better versions of ourselves through our children, and they will become more complete individuals because of us.
“The One Trait in Your Child That Brings Fortune and Happiness to the Family”
These traits in children are often seen as a blessing, with the belief that these children are destined to bring honor to their parents and family. It is thought that their presence will bring good fortune and facilitate a smooth path for the family’s development and prosperity.
Nurturing a Child’s Potential: The Two “Don’ts” for Parents
“Failing to educate your children is a parental failing” is a well-known saying that emphasizes the importance of parental involvement in their child’s education. This quote highlights the belief that parents have a responsibility to ensure their children receive an education and are not left ignorant. It is a powerful reminder that education is a fundamental right and a crucial aspect of a child’s development.
3 Early Signs Your Child Has the Potential for Success: What Parents Should Know
Every child has unique potential, but not everyone can easily recognize it. Your child may possess the qualities of a future successful individual if they exhibit the following signs.
Nurturing Resilience: Unraveling the Link Between Tough Love and Children’s Success
If you want to raise your children well, don’t neglect the following!
3 Love Expression Mistakes That Create Distance Between Parents and Children
Sometimes, parents think they are doing what is best for their children, but the children may perceive it differently.
