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Self-Improvement or Changing Others: Which is the Better Path?

Transforming yourself before attempting to transform others is a powerful notion. When faced with a challenging situation, it's essential to recognize that personal growth and self-improvement are pivotal catalysts for inspiring change in those around you.

Administrator

14 July, 2024

101

Change Yourself Before Trying to Change Others

In our youth, we often dream of changing the world. When we’re dissatisfied, we think of changing our environment. And when we feel threatened, we wish to alter others’ thoughts.

However, as we mature, we realize the only thing we can truly change is ourselves. It’s akin to incubating a chicken egg—life, like an egg, breaks open from the inside. Forcing it open from the outside only results in destruction.

When you break through the barriers you’ve set for yourself, your life will begin to transform.

Consider the ancient fable about the origin of leather shoes. In this tale, a king, while traveling, endured painful journeys over rough roads. Upon returning to his palace, he ordered his servants to cover all the roads with cowhide for his comfort and the benefit of his people.

This order resulted in the slaughter of many cattle and a depletion of the nation’s treasury. However, a servant suggested, “Why not cover your feet with cowhide instead, Your Majesty?” Amused, the king tried this, and thus, the first pair of leather shoes was created.

Changing the world and others can be challenging. Instead, focus on changing yourself, as it’s relatively easier. If you want to see the world transform, start with yourself first.

Attempting to Change Others is a Futile Endeavor

Every day, we encounter complaints like, “Why won’t you change?” and “How can I stop them from doing this?” These questions permeate our relationships with friends, colleagues, and family.

On Aboluowang, a woman shared her exhaustion from trying to change her spouse over the years. She had hoped he would become more independent and self-reliant after marriage, but as time passed, he remained unchanged, while she grew more weary. Experts advised her that her expectations of bending him to her will were unrealistic and that she needed to change her own mindset first.

Indeed, expecting too much from others is a source of suffering. Attempting to change someone else can lead to wasted time and energy.

As emotional beings, we cannot always rely on logic to drive change. When we ask others to change, we must also reflect on the changes they ask of us.

(Source: Aboluowang)

Frequently asked questions

The article discusses the age-old dilemma of whether one should focus on self-improvement or try to change others to achieve a better life.

The author suggests that focusing on self-improvement is the key to a happier and more fulfilling life. By working on ourselves, we gain a sense of autonomy and self-efficacy, which leads to personal growth and a more positive outlook on life.

Trying to change others is often futile because we cannot control their actions or decisions. People are resistant to change, especially when it is imposed on them. It can lead to resentment and a sense of violation of personal freedom.

Self-improvement helps us become better partners, parents, and friends. By working on our own issues and becoming more self-aware, we can communicate better, show more empathy, and have a more positive impact on those around us. It also helps us develop a growth mindset, seeing challenges as opportunities for self-development.

The article suggests starting with self-reflection and identifying areas for improvement. Setting specific and achievable goals, as well as developing a plan of action, is key. It also recommends seeking feedback from trusted sources and continuously learning and challenging yourself.