Some believe that the harshest form of education is to instill fear in children. Fear means that the child has developed a defensive mindset, becoming less receptive to their parents’ love and affection. This can lead to a widening psychological distance and an array of issues during adolescence.
When a child is around one year old and starts to understand what their parents are saying, it is advisable for parents to consider disciplinary methods. A psychologist suggests an effective way for parents to scold their children, but it should be done in a positive direction.
Use concise language and gestures when necessary
Children’s language systems are not yet fully developed, which can make communication challenging. Parents may tend to use long and complex sentences that younger children cannot comprehend.
In reality, during such instances, children may only grasp a few keywords, such as “no,” and sense the anger conveyed through facial expressions. This leaves them confused and perplexed, as they don’t fully understand why their actions are being prohibited.
Keep your language concise and use gestures when necessary.
Being criticized can be uncomfortable, and if not handled appropriately, it can lead to low self-esteem and shyness. Instead of using lengthy and intricate sentences, parents should opt for the shortest possible phrases to clearly explain “why not.” Additionally, incorporating gestures and body language can enhance the effectiveness of your message.
For instance, if your two or three-year-old child is about to touch an electrical outlet, instead of shouting, “No! Electricity! Danger!” try using a firm but calm tone and combine it with a clear hand gesture pointing at the outlet while maintaining a serious expression.
This approach not only helps the child understand better but also creates a strong impression in their mind. The next time you make a similar gesture, they will start associating it with the understanding that touching electrical outlets is not allowed.
Provide clear reasons
Children often feel bewildered when scolded because they don’t understand why. This leads to confusion and a sense of injustice.
When children don’t grasp the rationale behind the criticism, they may become rebellious and repeat the same mistakes. This widens the gap, leaving them feeling unsupported and lacking guidance during their developmental years.
At times, parents may become overwhelmed with emotions, leading to repetitive lectures and a loss of control over their feelings. If parents scold their children for various reasons without pinpointing the key issue, the child will feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to improve.
In cases where children are not aware of their specific mistakes, it becomes challenging for them to reflect and find ways to rectify their behavior.
Therefore, when setting boundaries, remember to explain the reasons clearly. For example, if your child wants to jump from a height, you can say, “It’s dangerous! You might get hurt.” By specifying the consequences, they can visualize the outcome of their actions, making it easier to understand and remember.
Provide clear reasons.
Be consistent
If you were strict about a particular behavior one day but chose to ignore it the next, your child would be left confused. However, if you consistently enforce the same rules, the neurons in your child’s brain will form a clear association with the limit: this is the key point, and this behavior is not permitted.
Initially, the neural pathway related to this rule may be weak, but it will gradually strengthen, allowing the brain to react immediately and stop the unwanted action.
Additionally, parents need to present a united front. For example, if one parent agrees to let the child watch one episode of a show, but the other parent thinks it’s fine to watch a few more, it will create confusion. When parents share the same perspective and consistently apply the rules, the child’s brain will adapt to these rules more quickly.
Discipline with love, not a cold demeanor
Discipline doesn’t have to be rigid and cold. “Scold” your child with love, and they will be more receptive to what you’re saying, taking it seriously and reflecting on their behavior.
Shouting at your child will only trigger their defense mechanism, causing their brain to shut down all information channels to focus all energy on “escaping” the situation. At this point, aside from seeing your angry face, they won’t be able to process what you’re saying.
Discipline with love, not a cold demeanor.
So, when setting boundaries, try to speak in a softer tone than you usually would. If possible, maintain eye contact by positioning yourself at their eye level, as this can help bridge the gap in communication and enhance understanding.
While these measures may not be easy to implement, they can be highly effective and positively impact your child’s development.
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