The farmer, startled by the snake, quickly ran away, chasing the snake across the fields and over the stream. In an instant, the snake disappeared into the grass, and the farmer, exhausted, fell to the ground as the poison spread rapidly. This is the famous “snake-chasing” effect.
This story illustrates that, regardless of encountering people or things, one should not intentionally cause trouble or sow enmity. Otherwise, one may easily find themselves in a more difficult situation.
While “Snake-Chasing” is a philosophical tale, it is also relatable to our real lives, be it adults or children.
For instance, if we hate someone or something, we might immediately turn our backs and deliberately target and oppress them.
Firstly, this process itself is unpleasant, and if we continue to struggle with it, things will only get worse.
Let’s delve deeper. If two people who hurt each other are still each other’s most important loved ones, what is lost in the end is not just a harmonious relationship.
Because once hurt, continuing to flail will only deepen the wound.
Hence, looking at the “Snake-Chasing Law” from a parenting perspective, a psychologist suggests that parents should refrain from competition and instead invest in being more considerate in the parenting process.
Among them, the process of concentration can be roughly divided into four aspects: understanding, tolerance, listening, and empathy.
Understanding: Stay Calm and Wait Until Your Child’s Emotions Stabilize Before Communicating
If parents want to change the situation and overcome the energy depletion caused by the snake-chasing effect, the most direct and effective way is to stabilize emotions. This helps children feel calm and facilitates more positive conversations and interactions within the family.
For example, when a child loses control of their emotions and behaves extremely, instead of reacting immediately, patiently wait for them to stabilize their emotions. Sometimes, children need time to self-reflect and regulate their emotions. After one minute, five minutes, ten minutes, or even thirty minutes, you’ll find that the longer the time, the more stable the child’s mood becomes. In these moments, maintaining silence and creating space for the child to think is crucial.
Remain calm and wait until your child’s emotions stabilize before initiating communication.
When the child is calmer, the mother can start a gentle and understanding conversation. Ask them about their emotions and the reasons behind their extreme actions. This helps children become more aware of their feelings and teaches them how to express those emotions healthily.
Additionally, emotional stability also helps build a solid relationship between parents and children. When children feel heard and understood, they are more likely to open up in the future.
Tolerance: Don’t Be Afraid of Mistakes, Solve Problems However They Arise
A growing child is like a spring. If pushed too hard, they will resist more strongly.
A psychologist notes that we often don’t understand the psychological changes in children, especially during their developmental stage. Children will gradually form their own perspectives and opinions, and this is entirely natural. The more parents push, the more children will resist, leading to unnecessary conflicts.
This demonstrates the allure of tolerance and the subtle influence of parents on their children. A nurturing environment where children feel heard and respected will encourage them to develop naturally and positively.
With parental guidance, children will thrive.
When children feel safe to share their opinions without criticism, they will be more inclined to cooperate and self-regulate their behavior.
At any time, fathers should not solely focus on the children’s shortcomings. Instead, view them as opportunities for teaching and guidance. Adhere to the principle of “solving mistakes wherever they occur,” which means that parents should guide children to identify and correct their mistakes rather than criticize or blame.
Furthermore, demonstrating tolerance and understanding not only helps improve children’s behavior but also builds trust in the family relationship.
Listening: Whenever Your Child Is Ready to Share, Listen Carefully
To be frank, tolerance, understanding, and listening are skills that all parents should master. These skills aim to build a solid family relationship.
Just like every rebellious child who is disobedient, it’s not that they are inherently bad, but there is always a hidden voice within them: “I want my parents to pay more attention to me.” This reflects a very natural need for attention and recognition.
The louder this voice is, the more children want to establish their presence and prove themselves, showing that they, too, have value and their own opinions.
Whenever your child is ready to share, listen carefully.
Therefore, if you love your child, create a sense of safety and acceptance. This is the most basic condition for a child to be willing to talk and get close. When children feel safe, they will not hesitate to open up and share their thoughts and emotions.
In other words, as long as the child is willing to share, parents should listen carefully at any time. Listening is not just about hearing the words but also understanding the child’s emotions and needs. When one is willing to share, and the other is willing to listen carefully, this is the beginning of education.
Empathy: Whatever Happens, Think Before You Speak and Ask Yourself If You Can Do It
Parents want to raise their children well and will do everything in their power to achieve this. To do so, patience and awareness of each stage of a child’s development are crucial. Just as each child has their own unique development pace.
Every child lives in a world filled with influences from family, friends, and their surroundings. When an issue arises, instead of solely focusing on the child’s behavior, parents should consider the context the child is going through.
Whatever happens, think before you speak and ask yourself if you can do the same.
The child may be struggling to make friends at school, or they may be under academic pressure. Understanding the context will enable parents to respond appropriately, making the child feel understood.
If a parent still can’t empathize with their child, before saying anything to them, they should consider whether they would accept being spoken to in the same way.
Putting oneself in the child’s shoes helps them become more aware of their emotions and needs. In this way, during the transition of empathy, people can view the issue more reasonably.
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