Parents’ constant criticism without valid reasoning can teach children to approach issues superficially. This may hinder their critical thinking abilities, making it difficult for them to evaluate information and make decisions effectively.
Illustration photo.
Instead of criticizing others, parents can create a positive environment by encouraging children to view others fairly and compassionately. This not only fosters tolerance but also instills important values such as respect and humanity.
Parents can also foster a positive environment by encouraging children to view others with fairness and compassion. In doing so, children will learn the value of respect and tolerance and develop into responsible individuals who respect others. Psychologist Nguyen Ngoc Vui shares some insightful tips on this matter.
Master of Psychology Nguyen Ngoc Vui.
What will children learn from witnessing their parents criticizing or speaking ill of others?
First, children will learn that adults can do wrong just like anyone else, and they may think it’s acceptable to speak ill of or insult others as long as it’s not done in front of them.
Children may become confused about their parents’ characters and doubt their own parents’ kindness. They may wonder if their parents speak ill of them to other family members, leading to a distrust of others’ goodwill.
Should we encourage children to express their feelings about the criticism they hear from their parents?
The question here is, with whom should the children share their feelings? Should it be with their parents, grandparents, siblings, or the person their parents spoke ill of?
Usually, we should encourage children to speak the truth. However, they should do so in the right place, context, and with the right person.
Are there ways for parents to deal with negative emotions without bad-mouthing others in front of their children?
In reality, negative emotions won’t diminish by speaking ill of others. If parents point out someone’s mistakes, they are stating facts. However, it’s unacceptable to insult or speak ill of others, as it affects one’s morality and communication norms.
When parents use hurtful words about others, it doesn’t alleviate their anger but instead increases aggressive behavior and internal frustration. Research shows that expressing negative emotions can lead to higher levels of resentment.
Therefore, parents speaking ill of others in front of their children is not an effective way to deal with negative emotions. Instead, parents should directly address issues with the person involved or share their feelings privately within the family.
For example, a father can share with his child about his day and any challenging situations he faced, encouraging open communication and understanding.
Additionally, when parents feel negative emotions, they can confide in their children by sharing their experiences and treating them as trusted family members. These are some ways parents can manage their negative emotions without resorting to bad-mouthing others in front of their children.
How can parents teach children about empathy and respect while still addressing relationship issues?
Firstly, parents need to distinguish between a person’s value and their behavior. Parents can discuss the other person’s inappropriate actions without insulting their dignity or value.
This teaches children that their parents respect the truth and aim for positive conflict resolution. By showing respect to others, parents can create a safe and compassionate family environment, which extends to society at large.
I once had a client with bipolar disorder, and her condition was severe. When I worked with her parents, her mother shared her regret about having negative emotions and anger towards colleagues and friends, which she often took out on her daughter.
She would often speak ill of others during family meals, confusing and affecting her daughter’s psychology. As a result, her daughter became fearful of her parents’ negative conversations and eventually withdrew. As she grew up, she also felt entitled to judge and condemn others.
This example illustrates the potential consequences of parents speaking ill of others in front of their children. Therefore, we must distinguish between speaking ill of someone and pointing out their mistakes; these are two different situations.
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