“The Power of a ‘Lazy’ Parent: Nurturing Children’s Success and Happiness”
The results of your hard work as a parent may not show in the short term, but give it 5, 10, or 20 years, and you’ll see your child thriving in their career and leading a happier life. It’s all about laying the foundation for their future success and well-being.
Encourage Your Child to Help with Chores
Research shows that children who participate in household chores more than three times a week have 19% higher executive function scores than their peers. Executive functions are crucial for self-regulation, planning, and organization.
Additionally, scientists asked children to practice doing chores for six months. The fMRI results showed a 14.3% increase in glucose metabolism in the prefrontal cortex, equivalent to the effect of half a year of extra Go training.
Think of your child’s brain as a muscle that needs consistent exercise to grow stronger. Doing chores is an excellent way to “exercise” their brain.
For instance, when your child plans their approach to cleaning, such as “Should I wipe the table before or after sweeping the floor?,” their prefrontal cortex (the CEO of the brain) springs into action.
If they burn their fried eggs, the prefrontal cortex will activate Plan B, the amygdala will manage their tears, and the hippocampus will remember to “fry for less than 30 seconds next time.” It’s a real-life survival game.
Improved executive functions lead to better performance, focus, and problem-solving skills, which, in turn, enhance their academic abilities.
From this perspective, it makes sense to assign your child more chores. However, it’s essential to let them make mistakes, learn from them, and improve.
– Choose three days a week as “no-chore days” and maintain your calm even if they throw shoes into the washing machine.
– Create a “red and black chore list”: The red part must meet specific standards (like sewing a quilt), while the black part can be done at their discretion (such as tidying their desk).
– Prepare a “photo album” and snap pictures of their burnt dishes as a memento of their journey to adulthood.
Take a Step Back from Their Homework
Your child’s brain is like an “achievement sensor.” When they accomplish something independently, their prefrontal cortex releases dopamine, making them feel happy and motivated.
If you’re too involved in their homework, this “happiness button” might rust or become useless, leading to thoughts like, “Mom did it for me, so why should I bother?”
Studies indicate that when parents take a step back, children’s independent learning abilities increase by 27%. Additionally, Daniel Pink’s book, “Drive,” mentions that excessive intervention can decrease intrinsic motivation by 30% to 40%.
Experts suggest the following three-step “lazy” approach for parents:
– Buy a piggy bank and deposit a small amount of money (10,000 to 50,000 VND) every time you intervene.
– If your child forgets their homework, let them explain the situation to their teacher.
– Instead of saying, “Do your homework,” ask, “Do you need me to be your dictionary?”
Sometimes, parents need to learn “strategic laziness.” The goal is to raise independent children who can solve their problems without relying on their parents.
Ignore Minor Conflicts with Friends
Conflicts among children are normal. If parents always step in to protect their child, they are inadvertently robbing them of growth opportunities.
Conflict resolution is like learning to swim. Children must jump into the water and practice on their own. Each time they resolve a conflict independently, they develop their independent thinking and social skills.
In reality, when children face conflicts, what goes on in their brains is more intriguing than a palace drama.
“Let’s take turns playing.” When a child says this, their prefrontal cortex must control the toys and devise negotiation strategies. If they suddenly burst into tears, their amygdala will adjust various neurotransmitters to prevent them from falling.
However, if parents always intervene, children may develop a fixed mindset: “I can’t solve this.” As they grow up and enter the workplace, they might avoid conflicts with colleagues or cower in the face of difficult clients.
That said, their prefrontal cortex is still developing. At times, parents need to step in and act as their child’s prefrontal cortex, offering support and guidance.
– Play “role-play” at home: Use dolls to simulate toy-snatching scenarios and teach them to say, “Can we take turns playing?”
– Create an emotional first-aid kit: “Would you like to try this approach…?”, “What if mom disagrees?”, “Do you need help from your teacher?”…
– Review the situation afterward: Once your child has calmed down, review the incident in a relaxed tone: “How did you come up with that idea?,” “What would you do differently next time?,” “What if they don’t agree?,” “Do you need my help?”…
– Set safe boundaries: Explain to your child that if they are hit first or the situation gets out of hand, they should seek help from a parent or teacher.
A good parent isn’t a fairy godmother but someone who knows when and how to guide their child. When you master the art of “management,” it becomes easier to instill positive values and healthy habits in your little one.
