I’ve met countless women who have shared stories of their marriages, where love has slowly dissipated, leaving behind a sense of emptiness. They describe mealtimes devoid of warmth, indifferent gazes, and prolonged silence between once-intimate partners. Ultimately, these women realize that despite being physically present, they feel emotionally alone.
So, why do women tend to drift apart from their husbands after turning 50? Here are the three main reasons.
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1. The Lack of Economic Foundation in Marriage: It’s Not Just About Poverty
Let me introduce you to Ms. Vui, a woman I once met. She tearfully recounted her years of working tirelessly alongside her husband, selling goods at the market. As they aged, instead of finding respite, her husband developed a gambling addiction, leaving her burdened with enormous debts.
Ms. Vui now works two jobs to repay these debts. However, what truly breaks her heart is not the physical exhaustion but the way her husband perceives her sacrifices as something expected and owed to him.
“The most painful thing is not poverty,” she says, “but the way he sees me as a money-making machine and a free housekeeper.”
A successful marriage requires mutual respect, and financial independence plays a significant role in fostering that respect. When a woman has to constantly scrimp and save while her partner squanders money, the resulting injustice slowly erodes the foundation of trust.
2. Giving Endlessly Without Recognition: A Pain That Goes Unseen
Aunt Lan, another woman, has been waking up at 5 a.m. for over 30 years to cook and do the laundry, yet her husband has never acknowledged her efforts. Instead, he tells their neighbors, “She has nothing better to do all day.” One day, she decides to stop cooking, and his first reaction is to accuse her of trying to starve him.
There are no inquiries about her well-being, no words of concern, only blame. Women like Aunt Lan don’t expect daily gratitude, but they yearn to be seen and understood. Sadly, in many households, this seems like an unattainable luxury.
As the saying goes, “A heart doesn’t die in a moment; it dies slowly through repeated neglect.” It’s the accumulation of moments when your partner complains about your illness, when they don’t listen to your words, when they forget your birthday, and when you gradually feel that your presence or absence in their life no longer matters.
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3. Living for Others and Forgetting Yourself
There is a type of marriage that erodes women the most—one characterized by endurance and concession. These women spend their lives trying to please their partners, maintain family harmony, and ensure their children’s well-being. But one day, they wake up and ask themselves, “Who am I?”
Ms. Luong, for instance, started learning oil painting at the age of 50. Her husband ridiculed her, saying, “What’s the point of starting something new at your age?” Three months later, she moved in with her daughter to begin a new life, a life of her own.
Countless women reach the age of 50 without ever buying something they truly desired, traveling solo, or even choosing their preferred meals. They feel guilty at the thought of “living for themselves.” Some share a roof but live like strangers. Some repay their “debt of love” with their entire elderly life. Some endure a cold, touchless, and loveless marriage.
Have you slept apart for over a year? Do you exchange only a few words with your husband each day? Has physical intimacy become a distant memory? And do you feel a sense of relief at the thought of his absence?
If these scenarios resonate with you, it’s time to courageously reevaluate your relationship.
No one is compelling you to leave or end your marriage, but you have every right to pursue a different life. Remember, it’s never too late to start over, regardless of your age, as long as you have the courage to try.
There are three crucial things women over 50 should keep in mind to save themselves. First, achieve financial independence, even if it means setting aside a small amount like 2 million VND ($85) each month as your “emergency fund.” Second, set clear boundaries and learn to love yourself before loving others. Third, pursue your passions and embark on the dreams you once had but never got the chance to fulfill.
Always remember that when you learn to love yourself, the world will gradually change the way it treats you.
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