The Power of Praise: Empowering Children with the Right Words

Illustration.

Praising children is one of the most effective ways to build their self-confidence and motivation. However, many parents often stick to simple compliments like “You’re so smart!” or “You’re amazing!”. While these statements may feel good, they might not be enough to convey the deeper messages that children need to hear for their development.

Therefore, it’s crucial for parents to pay attention to how they praise their children and what they say to ensure their children’s independence. A family environment filled with praise and encouragement will help children take confident steps towards adulthood and face life’s challenges. On this matter, psychologist Quang Thi Mong Chi suggests more appropriate ways and phrases for parents to use.

Psychologist Quang Thi Mong Chi.

Some people believe that saying, “You’re amazing!”, “You’re so smart!”, or “You’re excellent!” is clichéd. What’s your opinion on this? How should parents replace these phrases?

When parents praise their children with phrases like “You’re amazing!”, “You’re so smart!”, or “You’re excellent!”, the intention is positive. However, these compliments can sometimes become clichéd because they don’t go into detail about the child’s efforts and process. Such praise may lead to worries and self-limitations in children.

For example, when children are praised for their intelligence in a general manner, they may fear facing new challenges, worrying that they won’t be able to maintain their “smart” label.

This could make them reluctant to explore new things or avoid challenges to protect their “smart” image. Instead, by focusing on the child’s specific efforts and processes, parents can help them develop a growth mindset, perseverance, and understand that success is the result of hard work rather than a fixed quality.

Therefore, parents should emphasize and praise their children’s efforts, the specific actions they took to achieve good results, and the strategies they used to successfully solve problems.

For instance, say things like, “We noticed your hard work on this assignment,” “Your perseverance in completing it has impressed us!”, or “You’ve come up with a very creative solution to this problem,” “You’ve planned extremely well to accomplish this task.”

At the same time, parents can also praise their children by highlighting their progress. This means focusing on the child’s development compared to their previous performance, not in comparison to others. Say things like, “We see that you’ve done better than last time; keep it up!” or “You’ve put in more time and effort, and the results have improved. Well done!”

Praise the process and strategy: Encourage children to understand that strategies and approaches are more important than the final outcome.

Such praise will help children realize that effort, perseverance, and a willingness to learn are the most important factors, fostering a love of learning and the ability to face challenges in the long run.

Are there ways to praise children that focus not only on academic achievements but also on other areas such as emotions and daily life?

To encourage and nurture children’s holistic development, parents should praise them not only for their academic achievements but also for various aspects of their lives, including emotions, morality, and character. When focusing on character and personal values, parents can praise their children’s kindness, honesty, ability to listen, and respect for others’ opinions, helping them recognize and appreciate their inner qualities.

Praising children’s self-awareness and emotional regulation is also essential. For instance, when they remain calm in difficult situations or show concern for others’ feelings, it helps them develop emotional intelligence. Parents should also emphasize problem-solving skills and creativity, praising their imagination, flexibility, and willingness to learn from mistakes, encouraging them to confidently face challenges.

In terms of communication and social skills, praise for teamwork, friendliness, and the ability to express positive emotions will help children understand the value of healthy relationships.

At the same time, parents should praise their children’s independence and responsibility in their daily tasks, such as when they take the initiative to do their homework or take care of themselves, and show accountability for any tasks they start. This helps children understand the value of self-reliance.

Finally, emphasizing effort and perseverance is crucial for teaching children that hard work is the key to success. Praising them when they don’t give up in the face of difficulties or embrace challenges will help them develop a positive mindset and resilience in all circumstances. These words of encouragement not only provide motivation but also build self-respect, confidence, and a mature personality.

How can parents praise their children while maintaining humility and avoiding creating arrogance?

To praise children while maintaining humility and avoiding arrogance, parents can focus on the process, effort, and inner values of the child instead of solely praising their achievements or innate abilities.

Instead of simple phrases like “You’re so smart!” or “You’re brilliant!”, parents can offer specific praise for their children’s efforts and progress in each task, helping them understand that value lies not only in the outcome but also in the effort put in.

For example, when children improve in their studies or skill development, parents can say, “You’ve done better than last time! We’re proud of your gradual progress.” Such praise will help children understand that success is not static, and every effort is a step forward, fostering a mindset of continuous self-improvement.

Additionally, it’s important to praise children’s values and attitudes, such as kindness and perseverance. When parents emphasize these inner qualities instead of solely focusing on achievements, children will understand that kindness and diligence are as important as talent or grades.

For instance, when children show concern and help their friends, parents can say, “We’re delighted to see your thoughtfulness and consideration for others’ feelings. You have a kind and empathetic soul.” Such praise will encourage children to develop humanitarian qualities without getting caught up in pursuing personal success.

Encouraging gratitude and respect for others also helps children maintain humility. When children understand that every success involves the support of family, friends, or teachers, they will avoid a sense of entitlement and appreciate the help they receive. For example, parents can say, “We’re proud of your cooperation with your peers and your willingness to learn from those around you. It makes you a lovable and humble person.”

Furthermore, parents should encourage a growth mindset and a willingness to embrace new challenges. Praising children for their courage in overcoming difficulties and trying new things will help them understand that failure is a part of success.

Saying something like, “We’re glad to see your bravery in trying new things, even if you don’t succeed right away. It’s a great way to learn and will be a significant strength for you in the future,” helps children understand that the journey is more important than reaching a particular destination.

Finally, parents should keep their praise simple, sincere, and specific, avoiding exaggerated achievements. Statements like, “We’re proud of your willingness to try your best and work hard,” convey genuine appreciation and recognition of their efforts without creating overly high expectations.

By doing so, children won’t feel pressured to be perfect but will learn to love themselves and appreciate their development process. These ways of praising will help children understand the value of effort, maintain humility, and develop healthy self-respect, leading to positive and resilient adulthood.

Between praise and expectation: How can parents avoid putting pressure on their children through their words of praise?

To avoid putting pressure on children through praise, parents need to distinguish between praise and expectation and focus on acknowledging their children’s efforts rather than solely emphasizing the results. Instead of praising academic achievements, like saying, “You’re amazing for getting a high score!”, parents can focus on the process their child went through: “We see how hard you’ve been working and that you didn’t give up. Your perseverance is admirable!” This helps children understand that their efforts are the most important, reducing the pressure to always achieve high scores.

In particular, children will feel more comfortable knowing that their parents appreciate all their efforts, regardless of the outcome. Parents should also avoid comparing their children to others and instead recognize their progress in relation to their previous performance: “We see that you’ve made significant progress since the last time; you should be proud of yourself!”

When praising, refrain from attaching expectations about future outcomes, as this may make children feel pressured to maintain their performance. Instead, focus on the present and acknowledge what they have accomplished right now.

Parents should also help children understand that failure is a natural part of the learning process and that they are valued for who they are, their character, kindness, and how they treat others, rather than just their achievements. When children realize that they are appreciated for their intrinsic qualities, not just their results, praise becomes a positive source of encouragement, fostering confidence, responsibility, and a willingness to take on challenges.