Stay calm and react positively
Avoid responding to your child with sarcasm or hostility. Instead, use neutral phrases to let your child know that you have heard what they said, but you will not react in a negative way.
For example, when your child gets upset with you when asked to do chores, say: “You will turn off the TV and come help Mom right now, ok?”
Regain authority
Stubborn children often want to assert their power in the parent-child relationship. If you react angrily, you unintentionally empower your child even further.
Clearly communicate your expectations and demonstrate determination. For example, instead of saying “You should do it yourself,” say “I have instructed you how to do it and I expect you to do it as I have asked.”
Avoid arguing with your child as this only leads to procrastination. Instead, enforce consequences immediately if your child does not listen.
Ignore defiant behavior
Selective ignoring is an effective way to “tame” your child. If you do not acknowledge your child’s lack of respect, they will realize that their behavior does not grab your attention.
When your child deliberately says disrespectful things to get your attention, ignore them and look in another direction or walk away without saying a word.
When your child starts behaving normally, interact with them again. After everyone has calmed down, talk to your child about the importance of using kind words.
Give clear warnings
When your child speaks rudely, calmly remind them that such behavior is not appropriate. For example, say “Speaking to me like that is disrespectful. If you continue, we will not go on the outing anymore.”
Address the issue immediately, especially when your child shows off in front of others.
Emphasize that you do not accept this lack of respect and let your child know the consequences if they repeat the behavior.
Apply appropriate consequences
If a warning is ineffective or your child says excessively inappropriate things, apply appropriate consequences.
Consequences can include not being allowed to visit friends’ houses or not being allowed to use electronic devices.
Choose consequences that are suitable for your child’s age and the severity of the misbehavior.
Lead by example
Establish rules in the family regarding treating others with kindness and respect. Parents need to adhere to these rules to set an example for their children.
Show respect to everyone around you, from family members to service providers.
Teach your child how to deal with anger and disappointment in an appropriate way.
Defiant behavior may be a developmental stage for children, especially during adolescence.
Parents need to be patient and calm to guide their children. Remember, you are not alone, many parents also face similar issues.