Dr. Aliza Pressman is an experienced developmental psychologist with 20 years of experience working with families. She is a clinical assistant professor at the Icahn School of Medicine and co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, holding a Bachelor’s degree from Dartmouth College and authoring “The 5 Keys to Raising Successful Children.” Pressman emphasizes the importance of internal confidence – a skill often overlooked by parents – in raising successful children. According to Pressman, internal confidence is not only self-esteem but also a belief in one’s own ability to achieve goals. Children with this confidence are more willing to face challenges and put in effort, not blaming circumstances or lack of talent. Research supports this view, showing that internal confidence positively affects children’s development.
Experiences Done Right
To nurture inner confidence in children, challenges should be set at an appropriate level. Placing children in learning situations where they lack the necessary abilities can have adverse effects.
When children feel unsure about their ability to accomplish a task, parents can encourage them by emphasizing positive thinking and saying, “You haven’t given it a try yet.”
Observing Others Succeed
An important factor in children’s development is recognizing that there are people similar to them, whether in age, ethnicity, gender, or interests, who can achieve the dreams they aspire to.
Role models may not necessarily need to be exactly like our children, but observing an older child, someone from a different race or gender, achieve success may not have as strong an impact as witnessing someone the child feels closer to.
Recalling Positive Experiences
The stories from our past that we choose to remember and retell often form the foundation of our belief in our own abilities for the future.
Research indicates that those with an optimistic mindset, a growth mindset, and confidence in their abilities do not necessarily have different pasts compared to less optimistic individuals. The difference lies in how they vividly recall their successes rather than their failures.
A Sense of Calm
When children experience stress, anxiety, or worry when faced with challenges, their ability to reach their goals may be affected.
Teaching children techniques to calm themselves, such as practicing deep breathing exercises and maintaining a calm mindset, can significantly support improved concentration and mastery in any activities the child engages in.
How Can Children Build Inner Confidence?
Encouraging Effort: Instead of seeking perfection, parents should emphasize that effort is the key to progress, helping children understand that trying new things is important.
Guide Through Mistakes: When children make mistakes, patiently point them out and instruct how to correct them instead of criticizing, helping children learn from mistakes without feeling judged.
Specific Praise: Provide specific and sincere praise when children put in effort or make progress, to encourage and reinforce self-belief.
Emphasize Strategies: Educate children about the importance of applying appropriate learning strategies and problem-solving techniques, helping them understand that failure is part of the learning and development process, not a reflection of permanent limitations.
Through these four methods, children will learn to overcome failures, recognize the value of effort, and build confidence in their abilities.
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