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10 Unique Ways Vietnamese Families Teach Their Children, Making Them Stand Out

Vietnamese child-rearing practices, despite their strengths, still have some shortcomings. Below are 10 unique ways Vietnamese families teach their children:

Administrator

1 March, 2024

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1. Teaching children like pets

We make fish climb trees and monkeys swim underwater.

Children of other people learn or excel at something, then we want our children to do the same, even forcing them to do it.

2. Comparing children to others

In reality, many parents like to compare their children to others, using phrases like: “Why did you get such a low score, your friend A gets perfect 10s” or “Your friend B is so well-behaved, why are you misbehaving…”.

This will create a distance between parents and children. No child wants to be compared to another child, especially if they fall short.

Each child has their own abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. Instead of comparing, let’s recognize the good qualities and help our children develop them.

3. Raising children based on public opinion

“Why is your child so skinny, mom doesn’t let them study more so they’re not smart…”, “Give your child this formula milk, it’s better than that one”… There are many public opinions surrounding the way Vietnamese parents raise their children. Unfortunately, many parents are influenced and follow the teachings of others.

4. Threatening and intimidating children

“If you don’t stop crying, I’ll take you to the doctor/police officer”, – this threatening statement is not uncommon in Vietnamese families, but psychologists advise parents not to use this method.

In reality, when afraid, children can’t think through their actions. Instead, they will be anxious every time they see a police officer, doctor, or the people their parents use to intimidate them. In addition, because the brain is accustomed to quickly process frightening information, children will feel even more fearful.

5. Evaluating children’s development based on…weight

The slogan “Raise healthy children, teach obedience” is actually about raising children to be overweight. This is a misguided idea. Vietnamese mothers still implicitly compare their children to others, proud that their child is chubbier.

Weight does not indicate a child’s health. Children need not only nutrition but also muscle movement and physical activity.

6. Keeping children indoors when it’s raining or cold

Schools and parents have an almost reflexive reaction of not allowing students to go outside when the weather is unfavorable and canceling field trips for children.

In contrast, the Japanese view this as an opportunity to toughen their children and develop their adaptability. They even send their children to school when they’re sick to help them forget about being sick and quickly recover. Of course, severe illness or contagious diseases are exceptions.

7. Improper rewards

Vietnamese parents often share with each other that if their child achieves something, they should reward them, take them out to play… This is illogical, as parents are rewarding themselves, not the child. For children who are already protected and don’t even need to ask for things, this can be very detrimental.

Simply put, if children are provided with food, clothing, shelter, education, and leisure activities by their parents, they should be responsible for doing those things well because those things will build a bright future for themselves.

8. Good grades as the only “mission”

The Vietnamese view still evaluates academic achievements through grades. Being good at school is almost the sole criterion for evaluating children. Vietnamese children bury themselves in studying, without the need for physical exercise, sports, or learning skills… Even household chores are not required because parents prioritize their children’s academic performance.

This is a very misguided view that needs to change. A successful person balances multiple factors: Knowledge – Skills – Health – Social relationships… To achieve these things, children need to have a balance of learning and playing, be allowed to explore and experience from elementary school.

9. Public criticism

It violates personal privacy and insults a person’s dignity.

Parents, teachers, and schools judge a child and teach them to judge others.

This is a very inhumane action.

10. Blindly serving children

On Tet Day 30, a television program told the story of an old father from Nam Dinh who went to Hanoi to work hard and forgot about Tet just to earn money to support his child who was going to college.

Who is supporting whom? The child himself works to support himself, not to mention supporting the father.

Parents not wanting their children to grow up is a chronic problem in our society.

Many parents see serving or doing things for their children blindly in this way as joy, responsibility, or simply caring or compensating for something. It’s beyond imagination how wrong this is.

Our children will either be potted plants or glass cups that can fall and shatter at any moment.

Frequently asked questions

Comparing children to their peers can create a distance between parents and their children. Children do not want to feel like they are falling short or being constantly measured against someone else. Each child is unique and has their own strengths, so it is important to recognize and appreciate these individual qualities. Instead of comparing, parents should focus on nurturing their child’s talents and helping them develop a growth mindset.

Public opinion plays a significant role in how Vietnamese parents raise their children. Unfortunately, this can lead to parents being influenced by others’ ideas and teachings, which may not always be beneficial for the child’s development. It is important for parents to make informed decisions based on their own research and understanding, rather than simply following popular opinion.

Threatening statements, such as those involving doctors or police officers, can cause children to feel anxious and fearful. Instead of understanding the consequences of their actions, they may develop a negative association with authority figures. It is important for parents to explain situations calmly and help children understand the impact of their behavior, rather than relying on intimidation.

No, a child’s weight alone does not indicate their health status. While nutrition is important, it is just one aspect of a healthy lifestyle. Children also need muscle movement and physical activity to stay healthy. Focusing solely on weight can lead to an unhealthy obsession and may neglect other important aspects of a child’s development.

In many cases, schools and parents prefer to keep children indoors during unfavorable weather conditions, such as rain or cold temperatures. However, this can be seen as a missed opportunity to build resilience and adaptability in children. Cultures like the Japanese view these situations as chances for children to toughen up and learn to adapt. Of course, exceptions should be made for severe weather conditions or illnesses.

Not necessarily. Rewarding children for their achievements can sometimes be more of a reward for the parents themselves. It is important for parents to understand that providing basic needs, such as food, clothing, shelter, education, and leisure activities, is already a form of support for their children. Children should be responsible for utilizing these resources well to build a bright future for themselves.

Academic grades are just one aspect of a child’s development. A successful person balances multiple factors, including knowledge, skills, health, and social relationships. By only focusing on grades, children may neglect other important aspects of their lives, such as physical health, social skills, and exploring their interests. A balanced approach to learning and playing is crucial for a well-rounded development.

Public criticism of children violates their personal privacy and insults their dignity. It is a form of judgment that can make children feel inadequate and ashamed. Parents, teachers, and schools should be mindful of the impact of their words and actions, as they are responsible for shaping the child’s perception of themselves and others.

No, blindly serving children or doing everything for them can be detrimental to their development. It can create a sense of entitlement and hinder their ability to become independent and self-sufficient. Parents should encourage their children to take responsibility for their own actions and provide them with the tools to support themselves.