Food & Receipts

“5 Dos and 5 Absolute Don’ts of Parenting, According to the Great Master Ji Xiao Lan”

Kỷ Hiểu Lam, the esteemed "Master of All Trades" of the Qing Dynasty, was a man of many talents. With a busy career in government affairs, he was often away from home and unable to directly teach his children. Despite this, he left a lasting legacy through his writings and ideas, which continue to inspire and educate generations.

Administrator

5 August, 2024

In his letter, Ji Xiaolan outlined 10 parenting rules, including “5 dos and 5 don’ts.” Modern parents can learn from these rules to raise children who are both “successful and virtuous.”

What are the “5 dos”?

Below are the 5 things that parents should encourage their children to do:

1. Embrace Diligence in Learning

Ji Xiaolan encourages his children to explore and learn from books. To him, books are a treasure trove of knowledge, providing answers to life’s questions. Reading widely is the best and fastest way to instill virtues such as calmness, self-discipline, independence, curiosity, and self-control.

2. Practice Gratitude and Filial Piety

Parents nurture and bring us into this world, so it is essential to learn gratitude and empathy for their struggles. Gratitude can start with small acts, like sincerely thanking those who help us.

3. Respect Teachers and Value Education

The ancient saying, “One day as a teacher, lifelong as a father,” underscores the importance of respecting teachers. This value remains relevant today, even as the scope has broadened. We should always be grateful for their role in our lives, and those who embody this gratitude are truly admirable.

4. Cultivate Compassion

Ji Xiaolan believes that before acquiring knowledge, one must learn morality and how to be a good person. He instructs his wife to instill in their children a sense of compassion and empathy, prioritizing these values over academic achievement. Compassion is the foundation of being a good person.

5. Exercise Caution with Food

Many ailments stem from irregular eating habits and an imbalanced diet. Staying up late, sleeping in, and overeating indicate a lack of self-care. Encouraging children to eat healthily, in moderation, and with awareness, is a way to teach them self-preservation.

Ji Xiaolan’s 10 parenting rules include “5 dos and 5 don’ts.” (Illustrative image)

What are the “5 don’ts” that Ji Xiaolan advises against?

Here are the 5 things that parents should discourage their children from doing:

1. No Waking Up Late

Ji Xiaolan believes that waking up early promotes physical and mental well-being, and it is crucial for children to develop a discipline that combats laziness. He insists that his children rise early, valuing hard work and discipline, which he sees as key to achieving success.

2. No Laziness

Laziness is a primary cause of failure. Many have fallen due to this vice, and even the most intelligent can be held back by it. Diligence is the antidote to laziness, and with it, one can accomplish much.

3. No Lying

Lying is a terrible trait in a child, and Ji Xiaolan does not tolerate it. If his children slip up, he asks them to be determined to change and may even impose punishment to prevent a recurrence. His calm and loving approach to parenting remains consistent, even when they make mistakes.

4. No Arrogance

Arrogance erodes ambition and drive, leading people to live in a fantasy of their greatness. No one enjoys being around a boastful person, so Ji Xiaolan forbids his children from developing this unattractive trait.

5. No Wastefulness

Wastefulness breeds poverty and stagnation. Ji Xiaolan teaches his children that every grain of rice and piece of clothing is earned through hard work and honest labor. He models simplicity and the wise use of resources, passing this virtue on to future generations.

Frequently asked questions

Master Ji Xiao Lan offers a wealth of wisdom for parents. Some key ‘dos’ include: fostering open communication, encouraging independence, and creating a loving and supportive environment. Parents should also guide their children towards self-discipline and teach them about personal boundaries. As for the ‘don’ts’, Master Ji advises against over-protection, which can hinder a child’s development. Parents should also avoid being too permissive, as this may lead to a lack of respect for authority. Additionally, don’t compare your children to others, and refrain from using physical punishment.

Master Ji Xiao Lan emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and non-judgmental space for children to express themselves. Parents should listen without interruption and avoid reacting excessively to what their children share. Regular family meetings or one-on-one conversations can provide opportunities for open dialogue.

By encouraging independence, parents help their children develop a sense of self-reliance and confidence. Master Ji Xiao Lan suggests that this can be done by allowing children to make their own decisions and solve their own problems, within appropriate boundaries. This fosters a sense of responsibility and prepares them for adulthood.

A loving and supportive environment is crucial for a child’s emotional well-being. Master Ji Xiao Lan recommends that parents express their love and affection openly, and create a home environment that is warm and welcoming. This includes showing respect for each family member’s individuality and providing emotional support during difficult times.

Over-protection can hinder a child’s ability to develop important life skills and resilience. Master Ji Xiao Lan warns that it may lead to dependence on others and a lack of self-confidence. Children who are over-protected may struggle to make their own decisions and face challenges when they eventually need to function independently.