Parenting is the instinct and psychology of many parents. But sometimes, turning love into excessive indulgence can result in a selfish and potentially harmful child in the future. That is certainly something no parent wants, but sometimes we spoil them without even realizing it.
According to psychologist Lauren Silvers, a parenting expert at FamilyWise Northwest, when a child cries, throws a tantrum at the supermarket, some people quickly soothe their child and avoid public scenes by immediately meeting the child’s demands. On one hand, parents cater to their child’s needs and desires, but it also helps them escape from uncomfortable moments. So, why do parents spoil their children? Silvers explains that excessive indulgence is more about the parents themselves. It’s because parents feel uncomfortable when their child is not happy or sometimes we just want to get things done quickly. Parents sometimes fulfill their child’s demands without considering whether it will bring the best long-term benefits to the child or not.
Excessive indulgence means meeting the child’s needs beyond what is necessary. We do things that the child can do by themselves. For example, we clean up the child’s personal space because we think it’s faster, but we end up waiting for them for a long time. It also means that parents struggle with setting or enforcing rules for their child.
Excessive indulgence creates dependent and selfish children who lack independence when they grow up. It also causes suffering for both the child and parents. Therefore, it is necessary to restrain excessive indulgence towards children.
If you’re not sure whether you’re spoiling your child excessively or not, Silvers suggests you can take a quiz with 4 questions.
Quiz questions:
1. Does what I’m doing hinder my child from learning essential skills for their development?
2. Am I spending more money than the family budget allows for my child?
3. Do the choices I make benefit me more than my child?
4. Does my child’s behavior have the potential to harm others or society in some way?
Quiz result:
If you answered “yes” to any of the 4 questions, you may be indulging your child excessively.
At this point, we need to change ourselves. Let the child do appropriate tasks that teach them life lessons. Show them how to overcome challenges instead of doing everything for them. In a family, there should be principles that everyone follows. If you’ve been spoiling your child for a while, setting rules now may cause some discomfort. But we have to start, and in the long run, it will help the child become responsible and independent.
Refusing your child’s requests can sometimes make you feel guilty and heartbroken. But let’s look at the reality: does your child really need it, and can they do it themselves? And most importantly, we love our children, but we need to provide firm guidance for them to have a more secure future.
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