In the traditional concept, dishwashing is considered a job for women, demonstrating the role of women in the household. However, in reality, many families delegate all the household chores to women, while modern women are now engaged in various social activities as much as men. Many girls, when they first meet their boyfriends, when they visit their boyfriend’s house, or when they first become daughters-in-law, have to wash a series of dishes while others like husbands or sisters-in-law sit comfortably.
There has been a lot of frustration and debate about this behavior. Modern mothers nowadays remind their daughters not to rush into dishwashing on their first meeting because at that time, they are the guests, watching how the future in-laws treat the guest.
Why shouldn’t you wash dishes on your first visit?
In the ancient concept, respectfulness was highly valued. The first time you meet your boyfriend’s family means you are a guest in their house, and you may not become a daughter-in-law. In the ancient concept, it was taught not to wash dishes in the kitchen when being a guest. Guests should maintain a polite distance in their behavior and not be too familiar or too distant, nor appear too unfamiliar or unfriendly.
Dishwashing has always been considered a menial task from ancient times to the present, which is the responsibility of homemakers in the family or domestic helpers. In a family hierarchy, only the domestic helpers wash dishes. Therefore, dishwashing on the first visit lowers one’s self-esteem. And it can create the idea in the boyfriend’s family that the position belongs to the daughter-in-law. Therefore, on the first visit, girls have no obligation to wash dishes. If the boyfriend’s family quickly judges them for not doing it, they should reconsider their mindset and thinking.
If the boyfriend’s family lets the girl wash dishes, they should also reconsider their behavior. Either they are too casual or they consider that the future daughter-in-law should be responsible for all the household chores and use housework to evaluate her. Therefore, girls should not rush into dishwashing but observe and respond appropriately to different situations.
Absolute no to washing dishes alone
If you go as a guest and have to wash dishes alone while your boyfriend and sisters-in-law sit drinking water, you should reconsider that relationship. If you find yourself in that situation and the hosts let you wash dishes alone, it means they don’t value you and their way of living is selfish. You should reconsider that relationship, and you should take the initiative to handle the situation instead of enduring it.
How to behave reasonably?
If the boyfriend’s family loves the girl and is understanding, they will not let the girl wash dishes on the first meeting, let alone wash them alone. In particular, the boyfriend should understand that if he doesn’t, he will be an insensitive husband and family head in the future.
If the girl is already familiar with the family, she can wash dishes and cook together. If it is the first time visiting and the family is having a big party with many guests, the girl should participate to avoid sitting and waiting for food.
If the boyfriend’s family only consists of parents and the boyfriend, the girl can wash dishes as a way of helping the elderly, but in that situation, the boyfriend should also participate elegantly. The older generation teaches their children not to be arrogant but also not too casual in their behavior, not to be too high or too low, but to maintain their own dignity.
On the other hand, in the family of the boyfriend, if they do not pay attention to their behavior, sometimes, just because of washing dishes, they can lose a potential daughter-in-law. Many people believe that girls who are determined to be daughters-in-law should clean up quickly after eating on the first visit. Otherwise, they will be considered poorly brought up. But the truth is that on the first visit, they are still guests, and both sides need to understand each other, and the girl is still a guest, and guests don’t need to wash dishes for the host. Therefore, both the host and the guest should be flexible in this matter to avoid ruining a relationship because of dishwashing.
The information is for reference only.
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