The key to a child’s success lies in this skill, according to experts, but many parents overlook it

Some people place too much emphasis on IQ as a predictor of success, but experts

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There was a time when the IQ score was regarded as the measure for success. However, with the development and changes in society, IQ is no longer the top factor. Michele Borba, an American educational psychologist, author, and renowned TV host, believes that perseverance is more important than IQ. With 40 years of teaching and counseling experience, she provides parents and teachers with honest and effective advice on how to help children develop properly.

Borba states that perseverance is the number one skill that helps children become successful in life. When someone has perseverance, they do not give up when they fail and always believe that their efforts will be rewarded. Therefore, children who possess perseverance are more likely to succeed. Perseverance creates the motivation to try again even after failure, while the lack of perseverance leads people to quit, even when they are close to success, which is regrettable.

Therefore, parents need to grasp these ways to build perseverance in children:

1. Avoid factors that discourage children

The first step is to avoid four factors that “derail” perseverance. Here, Borba uses the abbreviation “FAIL” as a helpful reminder:

Fatigue: Protect your child’s ability to concentrate by following a regular sleep schedule. Turn off electronic devices one hour before bedtime and keep them out of the bedroom at night.

Anxiety: The pressure to succeed can be overwhelming. Express to your child that your love for them is not dependent on their level of success.

Identity solely based on fast achievements: Help your child understand that success is not fixed. Praise your child for their effort rather than the results they achieve.

Learning expectations that don’t match abilities: Set expectations slightly higher than your child’s skill level. High expectations can cause anxiety, while low expectations can lead to boredom.

2. Teach children that mistakes are opportunities for growth

Everyone makes mistakes, so parents need to teach children that mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth. Encourage your child to take responsibility for their mistakes and learn how to correct them.

Lead by example, acknowledge your own mistakes, and tell your child, “It’s okay. What matters is that you tried your best.” Admitting your mistakes and apologizing to your child will make them more courageous in facing their own mistakes and learning from them. This helps them realize that we all make mistakes and that success comes when we don’t let failure defeat us.

3. Break down tasks into manageable chunks

When people feel overwhelmed, they tend to give up. Therefore, teaching children to break down larger tasks into smaller steps is very important. When the tasks can be divided, children will feel more confident in completing them according to schedule. When your child has multiple homework assignments, guide them to write down each task and complete them one by one to avoid missing any and feeling pressured.

4. Celebrate small victories

Celebrating small victories can provide extra motivation for children, helping them persevere towards their goals. Especially when there are multiple consecutive failures, celebrating even small victories can reignite perseverance. Encourage your child by saying, for example, “Last time, you spelled six words correctly. Today, you got eight words right. That’s progress. You’re improving because of your hard work.”

5. Extend your child’s focus

If your child wants to give up on a task, place a timer on the table and set an appropriate time interval that matches their attention span. Suggest that your child work on the task until the timer goes off, and then they can take a break.

Encourage your child when they finish the task before the timer goes off, so they feel they have achieved success. Gradually, they will become more focused.

6. Affirm that stumbling is normal

If parents express disappointment and blame their child for their mistakes, the child is more likely to give up. Therefore, parents need to teach children that stumbling is normal and what matters is getting back up and trying again. Children may give up because they cannot see a way out of the challenge. In such situations, parents should share their disappointment with their child and express that it is a normal feeling. At this point, it is important to advise your child to take a rest to regain energy. Then, see if you can assist your child and teach them how to seek help.

7. Praise efforts

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck discovered that when children are praised for their intelligence (e.g., “You’re so smart!”), they are less likely to persevere. However, when they are praised for their effort (e.g., “You worked really hard, and you did great!”), they become more motivated and perform better.

To sustain perseverance, praise the effort your child puts in, not just the scores or results they achieve. According to research, external achievements can diminish a child’s perseverance. That’s why high grades or impressive academic achievements are important but not everything.

8. Use empowering slogans

Negative self-talk such as “I can’t do it” or “I’m not smart enough” undermines perseverance. Help your child choose a concise and positive message to tell themselves when things get difficult.

Encourage your child to repeat that phrase several times a day for a few days until they can remember it and use it on their own. For example, “Not everything has to be perfect. I’ll get better if I keep trying.”

9. Don’t do the work for your child

Many parents, in the name of parenting, take over their children’s work, which is extremely harmful. Let your child do their own work. Parents should avoid doing things for their child in their place. Every time you fix your child’s mistakes or do something for them, they become more dependent on you.

Frequently asked questions

According to the article, experts believe that teaching children how to manage their emotions and developing their emotional intelligence is crucial to their success in life. This skill is often overlooked by parents, but it is essential for children’s social, academic, and career success.

Emotional intelligence helps children understand and manage their own emotions, as well as recognize and respond to the emotions of others. This skill enables them to build strong relationships, make responsible decisions, and cope with difficult situations effectively.

Parents can help their children develop emotional intelligence by creating a safe and supportive environment at home. They should encourage open communication about feelings and provide opportunities for children to express and manage their emotions in a healthy way. Teaching children emotional intelligence also involves modeling emotional regulation and providing guidance on how to handle difficult emotions.

Children with high emotional intelligence are better able to form strong friendships and navigate social situations effectively. They are also more likely to have improved focus and motivation in school, leading to better academic performance and a more positive outlook on learning.

Emotional intelligence is a key predictor of career success. It helps individuals build strong professional relationships, work effectively in teams, and handle stressful work situations. By developing emotional intelligence from a young age, children can set themselves up for long-term career satisfaction and success.
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