My mother’s mistake that she always reminded me of was that in the past, she always said that she stayed with my father because of us, the children. Because of us, she didn’t dare to divorce. But every time my parents argued, they would argue in front of us, and my mother would cry and say that it was because of us. My friend lived through a childhood filled with frustration because out of 10 days, 9 meals were interrupted by my parents’ arguments. The meals were unfinished, chopsticks and spoons were thrown around, sometimes my father would slam the bowl so hard that the whole table shook, and sometimes a plate or a bowl would shatter.
At the age of 14, when witnessing my parents pulling each other’s hair, my friend made the decision “my parents should divorce.” But my mother blamed me and said, “It’s because of you that you don’t understand anything.” My friend said my parents should divorce, and I could stay with whoever I wanted or go live with my maternal grandmother. Of course, the parents didn’t think as simply as my friend did. But my mother still stuck to the same tune “because of you.” At the age of 15, my friend changed schools to live with my aunt for a while. Because at that time, my friend had some abnormal symptoms such as insomnia, headaches, and not wanting to go home. At the age of 19, when we went to college, we received the news that my friend got married.
On the wedding day, I was far away, hundreds of kilometers from my friend, and my friend only messaged me, “Getting married to get away from my parents’ house.” It turned out that the marriage was an excuse for my friend to step out of my parents’ suffocating home. My friend gave birth to 3 children one after another. My friend said that my husband’s family was very good, my in-laws were educated and respected in the region, and so were my husband’s siblings. But my husband was different from other family members, he didn’t study well. My friend chose him because of his parents. When living together, my friend found out that he was different from other relatives in the family. The two spouses had a 12-year age difference. They didn’t match, they argued. My friend refused to argue with her husband. But every time they were about to divorce, my friend would get pregnant again. My friend said that my in-laws and my husband’s siblings took care of and supported my friend.
But one day, when my friend had to take the youngest child, who was only 5 months old, out of the house, my friend realized that my friend had become like my mother. It’s just that my friend didn’t complain much to the children saying “because of you.” In my friend’s thoughts, my friend didn’t want to leave the marriage because my friend was afraid of breaking up the children. But my friend also didn’t have the strength for the children to transform the marriage. The difference is that my friend and my husband didn’t fight in front of the children, they only argued, and it was normal to argue, not arguing was abnormal. The eldest daughter once asked my friend “Are you happy, Mom?” and my friend shook her head. Unexpectedly, the child replied, “Then why did you say that you tried for us to be happy, but if you’re not happy, how can you give it to us? Where are you hiding it?” The question from the daughter made my friend startle.
My friend said my friend was not happy. My friend started from the mistake of getting married just to find an escape and then having more children in the hope that having more children would bring my friend and my husband closer. When there were more children, my friend was even more reluctant to divorce, reluctant to divide the children, and to care for the children being separated. But my friend realized that my friend had never known what happiness was in a family. If my friend was not happy, what could my friend give to the children?
My parents divorced after my friend got married. Three years after the divorce, my mother stopped talking to my father. My mother found a new companion and found joy in work until retirement, then went singing and dancing with friends of the same age.
When my mother found out that my friend wanted to divorce, my mother still refused. My mother said that my mother had tried to endure until my friend grew up and got married, and only then did my mother divorce. But my friend couldn’t say to my mother that what my mother did didn’t mean anything.
Divorce is not simply not living together anymore, there are many things to be resolved. But my friend said my friend had thought of everything. If my friend didn’t divorce, there would come a time when my friend and my husband would have no more respect and my friend would exhaust all the energy for happiness in those arguments. So despite the inconvenience of dividing the house, dividing the children, my friend still had to endure that pain, to start over. My friend needed to create a happy life for myself first, only then would my friend know what happiness was, and only then could my friend give that happiness to the children. My friend said my friend had tried to be happy with my husband but failed, my friend didn’t do it for the children in that way, so my friend had no choice but to end it.
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