For children who were frequently scolded during their early years, when they become parents and hear their child’s cries, their mirror neurons will immediately recall childhood memories – as if suddenly watching a horror movie on repeat. At this point, the frontal lobe can easily become disconnected, unconsciously imitating what the parents did at that time.
There are two extremes when it comes to frequently scolded children; they either become obedient like a puppet or aggressive like a wild horse that has broken free from its reins.
This is not an issue of character but rather a result of damage to the frontal lobe, causing it to shut down. Similar to how a mobile phone screen turns black when it overheats, children will enter a “detached state” – appearing calm on the outside, but in reality, their emotions are suppressed to the point of causing internal damage.
There are three reasons why children today are more likely to become “numb”
Limited Space
In the past, after being scolded by their parents, children had more space to relieve stress, such as running to a neighbor’s house to play and complaining to friends… In these moments, children felt less lonely and found empathy from their peers, helping them overcome their sadness quickly.
However, in modern society, children often lack the space and time to relieve stress as they did before.
Technology and the fast-paced lifestyle have reduced children’s opportunities for interaction and connection. Outdoor activities and free play have been replaced by electronic devices, depriving them of crucial social experiences. Without an outlet for their emotions, stress hormones like cortisol have nowhere to go, leading to their accumulation and adverse development.
Stress Overload
When faced with stress, humans instinctively want to either flee or fight.
In the past, children used to run around the streets, climb trees, fish, and play with friends after school… Dopamine released during exercise acted like a natural healing patch, naturally converting stress hormones. Even shy children had ways to express their emotions.
The modern world has made children’s lifestyles monotonous. Many are busy with homework during holidays and restricted from playing outdoors on weekends…
This constant pressure keeps the amygdala on high alert 24/7, overloading the prefrontal lobe.
High Expectations Create a Wide Gap
Modern life has set extremely high expectations for children, from academics to social skills. Parents and society often expect children to excel in their studies, develop comprehensively, and engage in numerous extracurricular activities. While these standards can promote development, they also place immense pressure on young minds.
When expectations become too high, the gap between what a child can achieve and what parents expect can become a burden. Children feel they are not good enough, not smart enough, or capable enough to meet these standards, affecting their self-confidence and leading to anxiety and depression.
So, what can parents do to help children relieve stress and improve their mental well-being?
Teach Children to Stay Calm and Breathe Deeply (for children aged 3-10)
Use simple examples from daily life, such as when they feel pressured by schoolwork or encounter challenging situations.
– Guide your child to sit or stand in a comfortable position, keeping their back straight and shoulders relaxed.
– Have them take a deep breath through their nose, counting to 4 or 5.
– Encourage them to imagine they are breathing in fresh air.
– After inhaling, ask them to hold their breath for 2-3 seconds. Explain that this helps the body absorb oxygen.
– Instruct them to breathe out slowly through their mouth, counting to 4 or 5.
– They can imagine they are blowing bubbles or blowing out candles.
– Encourage them to repeat this process 3-5 times until they feel calmer.
Create a “Safe Space to Go Crazy” (for the whole family)
A mother shared that her balcony was padded with crash pads and filled with stress-relieving toys, such as stuffed animals and a punching bag…
She and her husband agreed with their children: “You can stomp, scribble, and shout in this corner, but when you leave, you must be civilized.”
Choose a space in the house, such as an empty room, a corner of the garden, or an area in the living room. Ensure that the space is spacious enough for everyone to move around comfortably.
Creating a safe space helps relieve stress, enhances connection, and fosters understanding among family members. It allows everyone to freely express their emotions and builds a healthier living environment.
Turn Mistakes into Games
When her 3-year-old son spilled milk on the floor, instead of scolding him, a mother calmly said, “Congratulations, you’ve activated a hidden mission! Now, summon your knight’s broom to defeat the milk monster, and then use a cloth to clean up the battlefield!” The boy, who was afraid of being scolded, suddenly became enthusiastic and took the initiative to clean up.
In reality, emotions can be contagious. Those who grew up in unhealthy environments are often sensitive to a child’s cries (triggering their own memories), ultimately creating a vicious cycle of “child cries → parents get angry → child cries louder.”
Therefore, in some cases, turning children’s mistakes into useful games is more effective and positive than scolding them.
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