During the process of raising children, conflicts often arise between parents, with blame being placed on “this trait is inherited from your mother,” “this trait is inherited from your father,” or “it’s because you don’t know how to teach.” This leads to a cycle of blaming each other within the family without finding a good solution for the children.
A child with an introverted or extroverted personality will be better off, and more successful in the future. Where does this introverted or extroverted nature come from? Sometimes we believe that extroverted individuals are more likely to accomplish great things and be successful, so we tend to worry when our children are introverted and want to change them. Is that necessary?
So where does a child’s personality come from?
Genetic factors play a significant role
According to many experts, a child’s personality is influenced by DNA, meaning the genes inherited from their parents. Genetic researchers conducted personality studies on 850 sets of twins and found that a child’s personality is influenced by both parents’ genetics, accounting for about 30%-60%. This inheritance comes not only from the father or mother but can be a combination of both. It is the result of the combination of the father and mother during fertilization to form the child’s DNA. Therefore, instead of blaming the father or mother or claiming credit for oneself, it is best for us to understand that it is a combination of both. However, it is important to remember that even though DNA contributes 30-60%, we can still compensate for our children’s environment and education to guide them towards a better version of themselves.
What should we do when a child’s genes are not advantageous?
Nobody wants anything less than the best for their children. However, genetic factors are something we cannot intervene in. If, unfortunately, the collaboration of the father and mother transfers unfavorable personality genes to the child, then we should change our approach to education and provide a better environment for the child.
A survey conducted in Australia showed that if introverted children are forced by their parents to integrate into society instead of being provided with support, they will still remain shy, introverted, and even to a higher degree when they grow up. Conversely, if parents provide support and care, helping their child become acquainted with the environment and find trusted friends, these children will have relatively good social skills as they grow up.
Therefore, a child’s personality, whether introverted or extroverted, is not as important as how we teach them. Linda Silverman, an American scholar who conducted 30 years of research, found that the higher the IQ, the more pronounced the introverted personality, and about 70% of successful people have more introverted tendencies. The “genius” Steve Jobs, for example, was adopted from an early age. He lived a reserved and introspective life, but that personality trait also helped him deeply understand the detailed needs of consumers and create a new era of smartphones.
What should parents do when their child is introverted?
Understand and criticize the child less
Introverted or extroverted tendencies are not good or bad; they are simply different characteristics in different individuals. Therefore, parents need to listen more and understand more. Each personality will have its own strengths and suitability.
Do not force the child to integrate into society; instead, provide opportunities to guide them
It is not necessary for a child to be outgoing and talkative to be considered good. If your child is too shy, do not force them, such as suddenly throwing them into the water to teach them to swim, as it may frighten them. Instead, lead them and persuade them to go out and play, participate with friends.
Prepare the child mentally for new experiences
Knowing that your child is introverted, as a parent, you need to provide appropriate “preparation” when your child meets new people or goes to unfamiliar places. Talk to your child beforehand about the trip. Do not force your child to do things they do not want to do. Gradually, they will become more accustomed.
Teach the child self-protection
Introverted children may be excluded at school, so parents need to teach their child to seek help and solve problems by themselves. At the same time, you can communicate more with the teachers about your child’s personality to gain understanding and assistance.
A child’s introverted or extroverted nature is neither good nor bad. Each personality will have appropriate environments and suitable future opportunities. Therefore, do not force your child to be like you. An extroverted child also needs guidance to avoid becoming arrogant, boastful, or excessive. And in the family, it is best not to blame your spouse or child for inheriting certain traits from someone, as it will not solve the problem and only create more tension in the family, making your child feel guilty and causing disharmony between you and your spouse. Regardless of whose genetic traits the child inherits, you should not blame each other because you chose to be with your partner, and only by working together can you make progress, while criticism only slows down the process.
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