No parents do not want their children to grow up happy. There is no parent who does not love their child, but loving the right way and loving the wrong way is always present. Each person has a different way of loving.
Many parents go all out for their children, taking care of them little by little, suffering themselves so that their children do not suffer as they have. However, it is strange that there are those who sacrifice their whole lives for their children and only receive a broken heart in return. The children rely on their parents and never grow up. Meanwhile, there are parents who appear very normal, train their children to be independent from a young age and they turn out to be very obedient. Why is that? That is the difference between loving the right way and loving the wrong way.
Loving the wrong way: A poor family trying to make their child happy as if they were rich
There are parents who grew up in difficult circumstances, so they want to keep their children from suffering like they did, so they try their best to provide everything for their children, so that their children do not fall behind their friends and to prevent their children from feeling inferior. Because of the love and concern for their children, many parents, instead of teaching their children to understand reality and focus on the core issues, try to give their children everything to keep up with their peers. Parents are willing to race for everything for their children, without their children realizing how much their family’s abilities and their parents’ resilience are. As a result, children sometimes grow up indifferent. This way of love pushes children into a dead end.
The sacrifices made by parents sometimes lead to their children having superficial lives. The sacrifices of the parents sometimes result in children who do not understand the value of things, who always compare themselves to their friends, who are not confident in their true selves, who are not strong internally and have to rely on their flashy appearances to cover up their insecurities.
There are families with limited financial resources who are willing to borrow money to buy the best things for their children in order to compete with their friends, while there are actually better and less stressful alternatives.
Everything is taken care of by parents, so the child only needs to focus on studying
Many parents hide their children from their circumstances, so they find every way to financially support their children. This inadvertently makes children only know how to enjoy life and when they fall into truly difficult circumstances and can no longer meet those needs, they turn to blame their parents, blaming them for not having those things, so they are not as good as their friends, and they cannot face difficulties with determination. In addition, this way of love also creates an illusion about their family for the children. Confidence is important, but when confidence is not based on abilities and reality, it becomes fragile.
Many parents are afraid that their children will suffer, so they do not assign their children tasks at an appropriate age to contribute to the family. Many parents think that the only path for their children is to study and excel academically in order to escape poverty. Everything is left for the parents to do, and the children just need to focus on their studies.
As a result, the children become dependent on others, thinking that they are special and lacking in skills, only having theoretical knowledge.
In fact, those who love their children in the right way take care of them, but also encourage them to become independent and contribute to their family based on their innate abilities. The mindset of the truly rich is to teach their children the value of money and that nothing comes easy, that they must strive for it. Only wealthy families can provide their children with unconditional and easy support.
Therefore, when families have limited financial resources, in addition to sharing with their children the true value of life, it is essential to guide them to become independent and have a certain contribution to the family’s common work
If you are not rich, then raise your child in a non-rich way? Don’t feel inferior
Each family has a way of raising and educating their children that is suitable for their own circumstances. A child who grows up in poverty but is taught about the foundation of love, witnesses their parents’ love, efforts, and appreciation of labor, will gradually absorb that.
When you are not wealthy, but you are optimistic and don’t complain to your child, don’t criticize and stuff their head with phrases like “our family is very poor, our family is very bad, you are not getting this or that, we cannot take care of you,” then it makes the child feel inferior and exhausted.
But if you try to cover up and let the child run after materialistic things, then the child will lack inner strength and only have demands for money to meet their needs.
Parents should not say “no” to their child helplessly and irresponsibly, abusing refusal, causing the child to feel disappointed and disheartened. Instead, be honest with your child and say, “this is beyond our means,” or “we have a more meaningful solution.” When parents always have a guiding solution for their child, even if you are poor, your child will not feel inferior and will still try and be lovable. Let your child know that money is important, that money is valuable, but not everything can be measured by its monetary value.
Show your child that there are things that do not require a lot of money but can still bring happiness and joy. That is what your child needs. This means that you provide your child with useful solutions, not false ones. To do this, you have to be a confident parent who has the correct perception of money. You value money but do not change everything just to have money, you overcome adversity with your small amount of money. For example, on Mid-Autumn Festival night, when others go out to lavish parties, you can take your child to the suburbs where they can truly admire the moon, a moon that is not mixed with the lights of the streets. Instead of buying expensive lights for your child, you can make a paper lantern together. When your child does not have expensive new clothes, you can make their clothes special by adding a unique detail to them…
As for the things that are necessary, do not let your child go without them, do not be too strict with them, and do not make your child be too frugal. By coordinating like this, your child will be happy, will not chase after money, will value money, and will be confident.
In educating children, avoid comparing your poverty with other families, as it will make your child feel helpless and unworthy. Make an effort every day and create joy within your own abilities so that your child understands that having money will “buy” things, but without money, we can still achieve things through our own efforts. Especially when the family is not financially well-off, but you ignore your child and only focus on making a living, then your child will be prone to losing direction. Take some time for your child to discover their strengths and praise them more. If a child has difficulty with a task, parents are always ready to help them. This way, the child will become more confident.
Help the child differentiate between needs and upgrades when they demand expensive gifts. In particular, you need to remember the principle of “not giving your child things beyond their own abilities.”
Have you ever wondered why there are poor parents who raise successful children and wealthy parents whose children end up unsuccessful? It is because money is very important, but how we behave with money and how we teach our children about money is even more important. If you only let your child indulge, you will never have a well-behaved and understanding child. If you raise a child who understands things, then poverty is not a major issue for them. The foundation of family education is extremely important, parents.
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