Most Vietnamese parents want to have at least 2 children, except in cases of financial burden, infertility, or difficulties. Only a few people actively choose to have only one child. Teaching children to love each other, seeing them love each other is the happiness of parents. A harmonious family, where children take care of and support each other, is more valuable than having successful children who are distant from each other. But many parents have given birth to children who only know how to compete with each other, dislike each other, and worry about each other’s existence.
Children playing with each other, fighting over things, arguing with each other at a normal level is a common thing and happens in every family. However, when children grow up, understand each other, envy each other, try to eliminate each other, fear each other’s existence, and cannot share with each other, always suspecting each other, it is a worrying situation.
That may be due to these mistakes in parents’ way of raising children:
Unfair treatment, favoring older children over younger ones
This can be seen in many Vietnamese parents. The traditional concept of older siblings giving way to younger ones is good, but when it becomes the obligation of the older child, it can cause oppression. The older child who suffers the same as the younger one does not know anything other than accepting. And from there, conflicts arise.
Parental favoritism and unfairness also make children insecure. The favored child becomes selfish, while the oppressed child will find ways to resist and overthrow the other child.
Therefore, parents need to be fair, teach their children to share rather than force one child to give way. Stimulate hidden emotions rather than impose orders.
Comparing children with each other
Fingers have different lengths, siblings are born of the same parents but each has different qualities. Therefore, if parents constantly compare their children to each other, it is harmful to the children. The child being compared will be hurt. Moreover, even if a child is favored, it doesn’t necessarily make them feel comfortable because they fear being hated. So parents should focus on the strengths of each child, rather than comparing them and saying things like “You’re not as good as your sibling”, “Look at your sister”. In cases where there is a significant disparity among siblings in terms of intelligence, achievements, etc., parents should make efforts to help their children love each other, not to be arrogant or insecure about their own siblings.
Parents lacking an intimate relationship with their blood relatives
As children grow up, they look up to their parents as role models. If their parents themselves do not get along well with their siblings or their in-laws, it will deeply imprint on the children’s minds the coldness within the family. They do not see the meaning of sibling affection. Therefore, you should reassess your relationship with your own siblings. At the same time, create joint activities and situations for your children to realize the necessity and joy of supporting and sharing with each other. Instead of seeing them in conflict, separate them individually. Find ways to create situations where siblings see the need for cooperation, helping each other… From there, they will bond with each other more.
“Stop saying ‘The older one must give way to the younger one’ because it’s a detrimental and horrifying obsession for children.”
Selflessness is a beautiful act of love, but it is voluntary and not an obligation. We teach children to be considerate and sometimes to prioritize their parents’ needs over their own.
